Hell of a weekend for baseball

Here's Lucy!

What a beautiful weekend of baseball. We had a series with the Blue Jays and started a series with our arch-enemies, White Sox. In the three games I went to I had four beers, one brat, one root beer float, one pretzel, one bag of cotton candy (pink) and a giant soda.

Friday night
Since Steve is now a lawyer we used his perks to score the sweet Dorsey & Whitney (law firm) seats. We sat 14 rows up from home plate (close to our “on deck” circle) and it was amazing. After I got over my initial nervousness of being just shy of the safety netting (we could have potentially gotten smacked by a foul ball (and me without my helmet) I settled in to enjoy the running commentary from Steve. Here is a snippet of the conversation:
Steve: Hey, where is Joe Mauer? I wanted to see Joe Mauer squatting in front of us!
Jen: He’s hurt; he has a hamstring injury that is taking the world’s longest time to recover.
Steve: - pouting –
Jen: Wow, the Bat Boy is cute from this angle.
Steve: He has to be at least 18, right?
Jen: Let me text message Amy.
Jen: Oh, Amy says we are pervs for thinking that.
Steve: He looks nice; I think he has potential for hotness (he’s talking about Cirillo)
Jen: Mmm…
Steve: Did you see that? He’s cute? What does that sign mean?
Steve: What’s happening now?
Jen: Mmm…

Yeah, by the fourth inning I was using my “Selective Hearing” to filter Steve. I did have lot so fun at the game with him and I owe him big time for the tickets, beer and root beer float.

Saturday night
I was living the single gal’s nightmare on Saturday evening. I was crammed in the upper deck in the middle of the row between toddlers and a breast feeding mom. We were celebrating Bennett’s second birthday – Happy Birthday Bennett! The game was good (although the end result of losing after 13 innings wasn’t good) and I think Lucy enjoyed the game. I did get Lucy a Morneausey t-shirt that she can now wear with pride.

Sunday afternoon
Amy, her parents and I enjoyed a fun game, which ended with our winning. Still no Baby Jesus in the line-up but Barty (Bartlett) was back at Shortstop. It was Armed Forces Appreciation Day so we had singing, flags, awards and video messaging from overseas. I will admit that I did tear up a time or two.

Monday afternoon
I wasn’t at the game and I only caught the last three innings but I guess they were the best. What an awesome game made sweeter by the Pierzynski drama. Like Ozzie Guillen said “If he’s not on your team, you hate him. If he is on your team, you hate him less.” Pierzynski is the man everyone loves to hate, including me.

Well, before I sign off I would like to make note that I will be gone for a week and unable to update this blog. I hope to follow the game on recaps but I don’t think they will show them on television, especially not where I am going. I will see you next week if all goes well in Tennessee, Mississippi and Alabama.

Baseball is baseball is baseball, even if the Twins aren't playing

Ah baseball, you are a rollercoaster of emotions!
Here we are in the hangover stage of American Idol and its new winner (no I haven’t been watching but it is all that is on the television this morning) and I am feeling good. Why? Well, the Twins had a great game yesterday that I got to follow while watching the big storm roll through downtown Minneapolis. It was a toss-up: Do I watch Dave Dahl, the weather guy, to see if I need to go for shelter or do I turn to FSN to watch the Twins? Uh, no contest…Twins!
We have a break today and then start a homestand against the Toronto Blue Jays. I will be at Friday and Saturday’s games for sure with a possibility of Sundays. I will be attending Friday’s game with my friend Steve who just moved home from California to be a big fancy attorney at a big fancy law firm. Anyways, he scored sweet seats through the firm and we are going to drink beer whilst watching the boys (let’s just say one of us will be watching for baseball and the other will be watching for a new potential boyfriend.) Saturday I will be tagging along to celebrate Bennett’s 2nd birthday. Lucy will be there so I can’t wait to teach her all about the game. Of course, she is two years old so I will probably be trying to: a.) keep her from going over the railing, b.) keep her busy so she doesn’t become destructive and c.) keep her out of my way so I can watch some baseball. Either way, she is going to look freaking adorable in one of her new baseball outfits.

Other baseball news (aka Life beyond the MN Twins)
After arriving home from happy hour I turned on ESPN to catch whatever game they were highlighting for the evening. I guess I should stop being surprised when every game showed by ESPN is a Yankee game. It was a pretty big match-up though: Pettitte for the Yankees and Shilling for the Red Sox.

On a catty/snotty note (remember…this is Lipgloss & Baseball and today’s lipgloss color is Bitchy): I guess the bazillions of dollars that the Yankees are paying for their Dream Team aren’t going to good use. Carl Pavano, the $40 million man, may be at the end of a not-so-productive career while The Rocket is having a shaky liftoff (pun intended). What? Money can’t buy a winning team? In the end the Yankees took the three-game series by winning this game 8-3. Ouch…okay I better say something nice now. I love Jorge Posada. He is such an awesome player and a cool guy.

Kind of baseball related news:
I have added a new link to Risa’s blog. Risa is a fellow Twins fan and was proposed to last year at a Twins game via the Scoreboard monitor. How awesome is that!!!

Banish the Bandwagons and Find a Freaking Pitcher Already!

Well, baseball and I are having a little tiff right now. You see, I love watching it but the MN Twins don’t seem to really like playing it. There is this phrase that gets used in the Land O’Baseball often that I really don’t like, bandwagon fan. You all know that I am not a bandwagon fan so I want you to remember this through the rest of my rant.

We want a pitcher not a belly itcher!
Seriously, I think the Twins will be holding open auditions for replacement starting and bullpen pitcher. Hmm...I wonder if I could review the headshots. Ponson went down last month and Ortiz hasn’t had good starts on his last few ups. Silva is sketchy and Baker is a shiny new penny. That leaves Santana and I have a feeling he will get burned out pretty fast if the weight on the Defending American Central Champs falls on his big, muscled shoulders. (That one was for you, Amy!) What do we do? Well, actually we can’t do anything. We must sit and twiddle our thumbs (or knit in my case) and wait for Terry Ryan to make the big call. For the Bullpen – the Crainadian (Crain) is out for the rest of the year and I can’t say I will miss him. He hasn’t done a thing for me lately and I am totally holding a sixth grade grudge on that. Glen Perkins (the Great White Hope) is also out for who knows how long. Reyes is out for a bit more. We ain’t got a flying fish over a sea of boats kind of chance. Come on Mr. Ryan, do something already!

Bats in the belfry? What bats? The bats have gone missing in the Land of 10,000 Lakes
We either do FANTASTIC (said in a high pitched hyper voice) or we do below average in regards to our batting. Where is Baby Jesus (Joe Mauer) when we need him? Isn’t his 15-day grounding over yet? We have some deflated batting egos in our dugout. Maybe it is time to shake off the voodoo doll and get some of the questions answered. Here at my desk I have this cookie decorated with the Twins logo that I refuse to eat (because it looks so cool) but maybe if I break the cookie in half it will release some sort of Baseball Genie that would grant me three wishes. I would choose…
1. Four solid starters in our pitching rotation (heck I was going to go crazy I would wish for Liriano to be back)
2. Baby Jesus back and better than ever to shake up our batting order
3. To be in the Hormel Hot Dog Row of Fame

The Twins have lost that love and feeling…whoa ooh that love and feeling
So yes, night after night after night after afternoon I will sit on my sofa or sit in the Dome and watch our Boys of Summer play. I am like the postman “No sleet, nor snow nor rain will keep the mail away.” No slump, no frustrations and no baseball blogging embarrassments will keep me away from the sport I love. HOWEVER, I won’t sit by and watch the suckage quietly. Oh no, my friends. I will bitch and crow and maybe throw a mild tantrum every now and again but I will watch. On that sappy, cheesy and mildly disturbing ending…
GO TWINS!

Out of Office Alert!

I will be out of the starting Friday afternoon and not returning until Sunday evening. I will not have access to any of the inter-league games the Twins will be playing in Milwaukee. While I am out I hope that the Twins find their bats and learn how to swing them. If you have an immediate need for baseball gossip please check out one of the links on the right side of this blog. In the case of a lipgloss emergency please contact your local make-up counter, note: Wet n’ Wild can not be found outside of Walgreens or other heavily discounted drug stores.

Thank you,
Jen

I have a special power...I can relate everything in my life today (and today only) to CSI: NY

Since I am on an obsessive compulsive kick regarding the FANTASTIC Season Finale of CSI: New York and I am still saddened by the Cleveland Indians sweeping the Twins (boo) I thought wouldn’t use any brain cells and write this…

If baseball was like CSI: NY

The drama and suspense that happens in the first eight innings would be resolved in a tidy packed in the ninth.

There would be more fighting!

The Twins would win (?)

I would download the games to my iPod to watch the best parts over and over again (yeah…kind of sad, I know.)

Beer would be cheaper!

I wouldn’t mute it and make up my own dialog.

Nicer clothes.

Kevlar.

Twins would kick ass!

And I hung my head and cried - sticking with the lyric theme (taken from You Are My Sunshine)

“I've come to the conclusion that the two most important things in life are good friends and a good bullpen.” ~Bob Lemon, 1981

Yeah…looks like the Twins need one of the above.

Don’t even get me started on the game.

There I was bragging and strutting around like a proud peacock about the Minnesota Twins. Look at them! Aren’t they rockstars? Take that you critics!

Well, color me a dumbass. Guess I have egg on my face now.

Last night was brutal. So brutal in fact I not only hung my head in shame whilst muttering a few swear words under my breath so Lucy wouldn’t hear, I also shook my fist at the television and walked away.

I walked away – just like the lyrics from the Ben Harper song:

And its so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door

Final results: Twins lose 7 to 15 against the Cleveland Indians.

So, focusing on good news…I am totally rocking the viewership on my self-promoting, randomly unstable, mildly interesting Lipgloss & Baseball blog, point proven by checking out my counter on the right side. I have had 445 hits since April when I added the counter. Sweet!

So many points and yet still two losses

Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player. ~Author Unknown

Ah, here it is a lovely and warm Monday morning. Forget for a moment the start of another long week. Instead, let’s focus on this weekend’s baseball excitement. There was a lot that happened so I am going to be brief in my recap:

Amy and I went to the game on Friday, both sporting our Santana #57 t-shirts. Alas, the power of Cotton/Poly-cotton blend would be no match for Maroth and the Tigers.
· I had my beer, my brat and my helmet sundae in hopes that tradition would power our bats.
· I used my high-powered Binoculars (‘Nocs) to watch the game from the cheap seats. I also used them to find Bruce who had seats across from me in the dome (he was left field and I was center field.) In a girly way (the Lipgloss portion of this blog) we used them to get a better look at our favorite players.
· Very trashy people sitting in front of us, a mom and her two teenage daughters. I was distracted from the game during a classic Mother/Daughter fight over a cell phone. Normally I would end this bullet point with a comment about them being from Norwood-Young America or Anoka but I will refrain from making fun of those particular suburbs.
· Bruce (co-worker who attended only his second baseball game) doesn’t know shit about baseball. That’s okay, he asked questions and now hopefully learned from the experience that he is supposed to cheer for the Minnesota Twins even though he likes Detroit’s uniforms better (Orange is the new Black.)
· Losing sucks.

Saturday, due to conflicts, I only caught the last inning of the game but was saddened to see we were losing 8 to 2.

I waited all day Sunday for the very special Mother’s Day/Pink Bats/ESPN Broadcast game to start. I had my beer and was on the sofa trying to get Lucy to say Baseball and Morneausey. (Note: Every time I said “Morneausey” she would point at her nose and go “Nose”.) What a game! There was one point in the second inning that I almost felt bad for the rookie Detroit pitcher, not bad enough to wish our guys would stop swinging the bats. 16 to 4, a nice way to showcase ourselves on National television. For the record, I would rather we spread the points around and win more games by a small margin than less games by 12 points. Know what I mean?

Ponson is gone. The reassigned him away from the Dome, away from where he struggled, away from where he choked. Now the question is…who do we bring up? Garza or Baker?

I am going to the game and I am going to clap well!

With those who don't give a damn about baseball, I can only sympathize. I do not resent them. I am even willing to concede that many of them are physically clean, good to their mothers and in favor of world peace. But while the game is on, I can't think of anything to say to them. ~Art Hill

I am going to the game tonight. I am going to watch Santana find his groove and piss the batters off. I am going to make polite comments about the Tigers since I still respect them as a team. I will do that until September and the rankings start closing in, then it is every man for himself. I am going to drink beer and eat a helmet sundae. I am going to use my high-powered ‘nocs (binoculars) to watch people in the crowd. I am going to miss Baby Jesus in the line-up because I wanted to make an inappropriate comment about him being considered one of America’s Most Eligible Bachelors (click here for complete article.) I am going to keep score the correct way, unless something exciting happens and I miss an inning. Finally, I am going to enjoy the first Jen & Amy solo-game extravaganza of 2007!!!

Go Twins!!!

Letterman's Top Ten

Top Ten Signs a Baseball Player Is Too Old

10. Gets winded putting on his socks
9. Hard slide into second triggers life alert pendant.
8. While playing outfield, yells at teammates to get the hell off his lawn.
7. When buying performance-enhancing drugs, gets the AARP discount.
6. Claims he killed President McKinley with a line drive.
5. Often begins sentences, “As Shoeless Joe Jackson once told me…”
4. He’s almost as old as the hot dogs – seriously, have you ever eaten one of those
things?
3. Lost part of his career fighting in World War I.
2. During Interviews, he thanks the Lord and the makers of Super-Poligrip.
1. When he’s in the on-deck circle, asks bat boy, “What did I come here for?”

Homerun, anyone?

Well obviously I am going to Hoot & Halla about Morneausey sealing the deal last night. What a great ending! It was like the end of some baseball blockbuster movie starring Brad Pitt or Kirk Douglas (yeah, I know that there are movies out there like that.) You can’t make this stuff up! Hey Twins fans, haven’t you noticed that we seem to have a lot of endings like this? Final regular season game of 2006? Man, it is good to be a Twins fan right now.

Since I am still all a-fluttered over the ending I will just post the results from Sports Illustrated’s top 50 article:

Nate Silvers : Baseball’s 50 Most Valuable Players – 2007

No. 46. Francisco Liriano, P, Twins, Age 23 (Not Rated)
Before his injury, PECOTA thought he was the second-best pitcher in the game after Johan Santana. If I were doing PR for Liriano, I'd explain that his Tommy John surgery was just a way to keep his pitch counts down. TJ ain't what it used to be, and an increasing number of pitchers, ranging from Mariano Rivera to Chris Carpenter to John Smoltz, have recovered to be at least as good as they were pre-surgery. In some ways I prefer this course to a long series of ticky-tack injuries (think Rich Harden and Mark Prior).

No. 40. Justin Morneau, 1B, Twins, Age 26 (NR)
He won an MVP award last season at age 25 but his 52.0 Value Over Replacement Player (VORP) was just 13th in the American League, behind lesser heralded players such as Carlos Guillen and Jermaine Dye. That goes to underscore just how deep the first base position is these days. Morneau may have seasons in which he approaches last year's numbers, but he's unlikely to exceed them. His ranking goes up a bit if you're drafting for certainty rather than upside.
No. 3. Johan Santana, P, Twins, Age 28 (5)
If Barry Zito got $126 million from the Giants, what is Johan Santana worth? We maintain a statistic called Marginal Value Over Replacement Player (MORP), which anticipates the market price for players based on recent transactions in the free agent market. That statistic estimates that, if Santana were a free agent, his services this season would be worth $28 million.
No. 2. Joe Mauer, C, Twins, Age 24 (6)
Everyone in the Top 10 is in rarified air, but there has probably never been a baseball player like Mauer. As everyone knows by now, he was the first American League catcher to win a batting title, but that's really just the start of his skill set. Mauer also takes walks, hits plenty of doubles, plays Gold Glove-caliber defense, has 25 steals in 29 lifetime attempts and is big and strong enough to develop into a 20-homer threat. Combine any two of those skills in one package, and you have a potential All-Star catcher. Mauer has all of them. There's some concern that Mauer is too tall to stay at the catcher position, but considering how unique he is in every other department, why fret about that?

Number 1 is Albert Pujols – not a Twins so I don’t need to fill in the rest.

Side Note with evil laughter: Derek Jeter was ranked as #31.

I am in agreement with the guys over at Pulling a Blyleven . Why is Morneausey #40 on this list? Reigning MVP? Come on!

Well, there is just a lot of info I have to share including some risqué pictures

Friday 5/4: Twins 0, RedSox 2 - L
Saturday 5/5: Twins 2, RedSox 1 – W
Sunday 5/6: Twins 3, RedSox 4 – L (but we really tried to fight back!)

I was in attendance at the game on Friday to watch Hi Ho Silva pitch “not badly.” When is it a good thing when our pitchers do “not bad?” Anyways, I was at the game celebrating my birthday with my posse (minus Amy who is finally back from Hawaii.) We started out at Matty B’s (bar owned by Matt Birk, MN Viking’s player) then wandered over to the Metrodome to get good seats. I had beer, brat, pretzel and cotton candy. I think the sugar high was worse than a hang over! Whenever I go to a game with J.B. we always have a standing bet around Torii Hunter. J.B. is not a Torii fan and well, I am. We have a $1 on every time Torii is up to bat. If Torii strikes out, flies out or otherwise does not make it to first base I pay J.B. a dollar. If Torii touches first on a walk, single, fielder’s choice, homerun or whatever, I get a dollar. Friday was a very good game for me. I made $4! AND, I got to rub it in J.B.’s face that Torii is on fire! (Currently Torii is at a 21-game hitting streak.) After the game we went to Kieran’s for post-game libations.

The Word on Baby Jesus (Mauer):
The Hometown Hero is on the 15-Day DL for a quadri-something muscle strain. I may mock Baby Jesus (understatement?) but I do know that not having him will hurt us.
In non-baseball news:
Joe “Baby Jesus” Mauer was chosen as one of America’s Most Eligible Bachelors by Hollywood Extra. Tee hee hee (evil laugh). Oh man, this is going to be good. Not only does he have a write up and television spot on the show he also is the prize in the “Win a Date with Joe Mauer” contest.

Click here to read his article on the Extra website:
A Great Catch - Literally!
http://extratv.warnerbros.com/2007/05/a_great_catch_literally.html

Other Twins Game News:
We lost on Friday; I was there to watch the lazy loss. We won on Saturday; I watched that one on T.V. and enjoyed the win for Santana. We lost on Sunday with Ponson on the mound. He has had one good game out of all his starts and it wasn’t Sunday’s. That was a sad show.

Outside of the Twins Baseball News:

Everyone (and I mean every publication) is talking about Clemens’s signing with the Yankees. Like this is a big surprise! Hello? He signed a one-year contract worth $28,000,022. That is more than a ¼ of the Twins entire salary.

Speaking of Twins salary…
Quoting John Donovan from Sports Illustrated
“I'll take Bud Selig's job for a day, if I can get his prorated salary, too. Actually, I was talking to an NL GM in spring training about the culture around the Twins. Not only do they hire good people but they keep good people. Few organizations engender such loyalty -- I'm talking scouts, coaches, secretaries, you name it. It's a credit to Terry Ryan, a man who refused to even talk to other franchises about GM openings when his team was on the contraction chopping block.”

Non-baseball Sporting News:

It was a good fight but the Rangers are out of the NHL playoffs. They really tried but couldn’t get past the Sabers yesterday.

Random Photos:

Here are a couple discriminating photos of Snake after many hours of celebrating. I believe he has defiled the sign from the Kieran's:

Hello, my name is Jen and I am a bad baseball blogger!

All together now: Hi Jen!

Here is my list of excuses:
It was my birthday last night and I claimed it my “special day”
Amy isn’t here to say funny things (she is on vacation in Hawaii)
Sidney Ponson was pitching and my mom always said “if you don’t have anything nice to say…”
There was an immigration rally going on
There were only 25 people in attendance at the Tampa Bay game
My cat’s breath smells like cat food

Here are some real thoughts:
Ponson pitched and did a pretty darn good job.
The DevilRays looked like a blooper real with their errors
Cuddles McDimples (Cuddyer) did a windmill and somersault
Barty (Bartlett) wore short sleeves so we could see his tattoo
This Friday I am celebrating my baseball birthday with a group of friends and co-workers. We are going to Matty B’s bar (owned by Vikings Matt Birk) and then trying to be one of the first 5,000 fans so we can get a Little Piranha’s (a la Bert Blyleven Pirantahs) fishing lure.

In other sporting news…
The Rangers hosted Buffalo last night for game four of hockey. It was a nail biter. I got sucked in, big time! The Rangers were up 2 – 1 when Buffalo made a shot on goal that needed to be reviewed (with only 13.4 seconds left!) I actually felt stressed out waiting for the video-review people to make a call. Why do I get so emotionally vested in random sports events? You all have to remember the Winter Olympics and Men’s Curling? Anyways, goal was no good and Rangers won! The series is tied 2-2.