Skol Vikings! / Let’s win this game / Skol Vikings! / Honor your name

Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

Last night I cheated on Baseball went to a football game. Yes, football. That game where they wear very tight, shiny pants and have a hundred people on their bench.

It felt weird to be in the Dome and seeing the ugly turf painted with white stripes and a giant Vikings head in the center. I kept pointing out the pitcher’s mound, first, second and third bases.
It felt odd to walk on the plaza and see the sea of purple and gold (instead of red and blue.)
It felt outlandish to see the parking prices range from $20 - $40 around the dome.
It was peculiar to see the giant tent full of Vikings souvenirs and apparel (even pink stuff!)
It felt bizarre to see those Helga hats (Vikings hats with horns and blonde braids.)
It felt wacky to be singing Skol Vikings instead of Take Me Out to the Ball Game.
It felt uncanny to not know any names of the players instead of all the names, ERA, pitching rotation, nicknames, hometown of the baseball players.

Thanks to my favorite male cousin for giving me a free beer.
Gracias to the fine people at the Chili’s food stand outside of the Dome for the free southwestern egg rolls and mozzarella cheese sticks. We don’t know why this manna of food was bestowed upon us but we ate it.
Danke to the manager in my office who gave me the free tickets to the game.
Merci to the band playing on the plaza for having awesomely 80’s hair and not knowing how ridiculous you look when you are playing and winking towards the ladies.

It’s just a heathen town / I hear only evil / As my tongue is tightened

I used to be god-fearing / Now I’m so frightened / Cause the devil will drag you under / By the sharp tailfin – Heathen Town, Elvis Costello

Ouch
We try again to come back in the end but it is the early runs that haunt us. Santana gave up two homeruns and looked so frustrated and tired on the mound. Morneausey (sorry Amy) has just lost that loving feeling, whoa that lovin’ feeling. It seems every time there was a threat or a big moment it was Morneausey at the plate. I am not trying to pick on him (I have a 33 for MVP t-shirt and Lucy wears her jersey shirt all the time) but he is hurting for some hits right now. I don’t think anyone is more frustrated that Morneausey himself. Last night when he struck out I could see him swearing from centerfield (that is where the camera was recording.)

Fun news!Hey Curlz (http://www.curlzandcurveballs.blogspot.com/) I saw you on TV last night!!! I was totally watching the FSN Post Game show and saw you in the crowd. First, that bouncy lady with the sign was blocking you and then that little girl in her daddy’s arms was in the way. I wanted to text you to shove your way up front but I couldn’t get to the phone in time.

If you think it’s easy doin’ one night stands / Try playin’ in a rock roll band

It’s a long way to the top / If you wanna rock ‘n’ roll – It’s a long way to the top, AC/DC

Well, last night was my normal Monday Happy Hour event and this time we ventured to Uptown at Figlio’s. Unfortunately, the Uptown drinking establishments do not subscribe to that wonderful thing called Baseball. In fact, at this one place they had on an old episode of Law & Order, muted whilst the other TV wasn’t even on! Oh well, looks like I would have been really pissy if I saw the beginning of the game anyways.

Oh Silva, *shaking head sadly* why must you make it hurt so much? (Stats, anyone? 10-13.) Also, I know it feels like I am picking on you but please…those antics after Gardy pulled your ugly-pitching ass out of the game? Not necessary. (I do like to watch those kind of things because then I can make up stories in my head and such.)

Also, glad to see that on SI.com one of the top stories is “Triple play highlights Indians’ win over Twins.” Yeah…

I do want to give a shout out to Barty who is one of our most consistent players right now. Way to homer, dude!

Well, I will humbly represent the lady-bloggers (which sounds a little dirty) at the groundbreaking. However, I do have a happy hour before the event so my scribings of the happenings may be slightly skewed.

In which I humbly apologize for lack of baseballness

There is a special place in hell for bad baseball bloggers like me. I am sorry. I have been busy with work and life…mostly drinking, but busy none-the-less.

Here are some excuses, please select one:
* I have had six happy hours in the last two weeks
* I painted my fingernails black and now feel the need to listen to speed metal
* I had to help a friend move and now my arms hurt
* There was a band playing on Friday
* I still have a job (that requires me to work hard)

Here is what is around me via baseball:

Sunday, August 19 Santana struck out 17 and rocked any baseball fan’s world.

8/22 W 8-4 (SEA)
8/23 W 5-2 (BAL)
8/24 W 7-4 (BAL)
8/25 W 8-1 (BAL)
8/26 W 11-3 (BAL)

Thursday, August 30 is the groundbreaking of the new stadium from 4:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. If anyone else is going let me know, maybe we can meet up. (I’ll be the redhead dragging along some drunken co-workers…if you’re lucky.)

When you’re applauding your fine mind / Darker corners come to shine

The quality control I run / The filters that I sue / What I’ve forgotten…is now forgotten
It’s Our Job – Sondre Lerche

So, Amy and I have this baseball relationship. Now, before you go “oh, girl talk” and skip on to another blog (maybe one filled with more stats) let me explain. We have this type of relationship where we know we are always aware of the game if it is on. Whether we are at dinner, the bar (mostly in my case), driving in the car or sitting at home in front of the television we are always available to chat on the phone about the game. Last night was a great example. At Torii’s Grand Slam I dialed her number. She didn’t even say hello she just went right into baseball talk. It is like we were at the game drinking beer and shelling peanuts. We don’t need greetings, niceties or cordial exchanges. We need baseball talk.

Moving on to less sappy but no less important topics
* Torii hit a Grand Slam. It was bound to happen. The Mariners tempted fate when they walked Baby Jesus to load the bases and get to Hunter not once but twice. Come on, we all know that pumps Torii up. (Let alone if you add in the drama with the home plate ump and an eeeejected Gardy.)
* Rondell White hit his first homerun of the season and Tommy Watkins got his first hit in the Majors.
* Come on Blue! What’s your deal? So what if Morneausey is channeling Bad Ass these days, all talking back to Umps and stuff. So what if Cuddy nailed the coffin door closed (even though no one knows what was really said) and exchanged some words with you after his swinging strike out. Those were totally old school playground antics happening at home plate. I kind of liked it.
* If I have to read one more article, blurb or quote about how Torii is using reverse psychology by saying “We stink” I am going to scream. I can just envision new t-shirts with that saying on them. Please note: I would probably buy one though, because I love that kind of stuff.

News You Probably Can’t Use
Twins sent Raymoan Ortiz to Colorado. So long, you seemed like such a nice guy…unlike that greasy Sidney Ponson. That is totally something my Grams would say.

It’s not enough / It’s not enough / Whatever I give / It’ll never be enough

No hysterical scene / You will never play rough / I’m the one who will scream / But it won’t be enough - It’s Not Enough by The Who

Well, color me shocked and awed. The Twins came in to the game and scored 11 f-ing runs! Unfortunately, yours truly went to bed early. I caught the first two runs (which looked like classic Twins scoring) and then tore myself away from the television. It was going on 10:00 p.m. and I still had to bake cookies for an office potluck. (Office Space, anyone?) I heard my phone ringing “I don’t care if Monday’s blue / Tuesday’s grey and Wednesday too / Thursday I don’t care about you / It’s Friday I am in love” but I was in a very detailed part of my baking (breaking the perforated dough pieces and placing them on a baking sheet) so I couldn’t grab it. Amy was calling to tell me that Barty hit a homerun. Way to go Barty! In fact, way to go everyone. 11 runs, that’s great. However, not to be Dr. Doom or any other evil characters but I am going to say what most of the other blogs are saying right now. Please, can we space this shit out? Spanking a team every few months whilst struggling to get runs on the board the rest of the time is embarrassing. Not only for you, for me too. Some may call me narcissistic but it’s true. I try to be a good Twins fan. I have a dozen t-shirts, a few hats (that I never wear), bumper stickers, a MN Twins spare tire cover on my Jeep and a freaking Twins antennae topper. I am hardcore. I drink, swear at the television, eat sunflower seeds, keep score (occasionally), jeer, chant, defend, use nicknames, high-five, alienate my non-baseball friends and talk stats. (I do draw the line at spitting.) In other words, I am here to stay. However, I would like to not have to fight in the schoolyard with other people defending you. (Yes, the whole “me” thing again.)

So, to end on a happy note: The Twins beat the Mariners 11 – 4 last night. Today’s game is on at 3:35 p.m. CT so I won’t feel guilty about going to bed and missing a game.

Pissing In My Wheaties and other random things

Well, it appears I picked a fine time to miss a few ugly games. As some of you may know I was incommunicado this weekend due to Girls Family Vacation 2007. I can’t say that I necessarily “missed” seeing the Twins fail to deliver anything spectacular. I watched a little of last night’s game (Monday) until the storm got bad and FSN was flickering. First, I hate West Coast games because they don’t start until 9:00 p.m. and when I have to be to work at 7:00 a.m. that sucks. Laziness aside, I had some hope in the 7th when Baby Jesus (Mauer) tied the game. I thought…hey, this is it; this is Eye of the Tiger!

Denied.

So…moving on. This morning I was told by a co-worker to start preparing for football season since our baseball one will be ending. Well, I couldn’t deck the guy but I did give him a firm “dressing down” for pissing in my Wheaties at 7:15 a.m. (first day back after a long weekend.) Seriously, if you want to mess with the bull you are going to get the verbal horns. Note: I am trying to fit as many random sayings into this entry.

Amy, can you guess who said that to me?

Well, c’est la vie. Today is another day and another game. Let’s hope Garza can live up to his Wonder Boy title and take care of Seattle.

They trade in their high tops/ for night sized white rocks

The Last Hit by High and Mighty
I would like to put a disclaimer on this entry because my household (well the adults at least) have been stricken down by the Common Cold. Right now I have tissues with lotion, lots of medicine, cough drops with vapors and eye drops. I am not in the best place to be writing sentences and such. (Don’t tell my boss that!) Oh, I also lost the ability to pronounce the letter “G.”

Here is a list of thoughts/reactions from last night’s game (only until the 7th, which is when my drugs kicked in)

* How can a Twins fan not love last night’s game? I can’t help but feel like we owned that town last night. Besides the obvious win it was great to see so many Twins fans in the crowd. (Note: if I was a KC fan I would feel very different and territorial.)
* I have to give major props to Stacy since when I walked in the door last night she already had the game on. See, baseball is addicting.
* Did anyone else get fed up with the awkward argument between Dick and Bert regarding Barry Bonds? I don’t think they could have been more passive aggressive. Please, for the love of All-Star High-tops, don’t carry the issue/topic/argument into two innings. One is enough!
* Did anyone else feel a kind of “sweet justice” when Torii hit his homerun after the Great Morneausey Debate? I did. In fact there may have been a little “in your face” going on.
* Anytime we go through the line-up in an inning is a guaranteed good time. The players said it, Gardy said it and us fans said it…They were having fun out there.
* At 5:30 this morning I caught the end of the rebroadcast of yesterday’s game. It felt like I was in a time vortex, floating in a parallel baseball universe.


* For anyone who cares…last night I slept with a tissue jammed up my right nostril. Damn cold. Oh, and nose rings? Not as “bad ass” during a cold.

What will my baseball muse do in the off season?

My baseball muse is gone. Where has she gone? Maybe I need to get to another game to find her. Mmm…beer and peanuts. I think I am all done with sitting in the cheap seats (GA) on Dollar Dog Night (also Half Price Student Night) because it is not fun. Don’t get me wrong; I “heart” the Dollar Dogs but I also “heart” not having to deal with sugar-hyped teenagers and cranky ushers.

Moooooving on
Baker rocked the free world yesterday! What a game. Now the other fans must realize how frustrating it is to lose by one run. How obnoxious it is when their offense can’t stay on base. We won on Saturday too even though Garza couldn’t hang in there. Unfortunately we couldn’t stay in there on Friday and get Santana a much needed win.

Let’s take an inventory
Castillo – Gone but to a good home with the Mets
Cirillo – Gone to AZ but not really going to do anything down there
Leeew Ford – Gone to minors
Did we get anything? Uh no, we did call up another minor league pitcher. Oh, good. I was worried we would try to get some big bats into our line-up. Whew, wouldn’t want to be mistaken with that. Note: today’s sarcasm is brought to you by the letter M, the number 7 and Pohlad’s stinginess.

In conclusion
To all you “They are out of it now.” “There is no way they can catch up.” “Guess they gave up on the season” fans (um, Geoff and company) I would like to say…4.5 games back. Do you still think we have cashed it in? (Yeah, to some of your points it doesn’t help that if we get to post-season and don’t have any necessary changes to our team it is going to be tough.)

Right, let’s clean up the Indians tonight and win the series. I will be on a barstool at Rossi’s pretending to listen to my friends chat whilst drinking wine and watching the game.

Game? What game?

Everyone has heard about the bridge that collapsed in Minnesota. It is all that has been on the television. Everyone has been talking about it, the Prez, Mayor, Governor, bus drivers, co-workers…and so on. Last night I was in the Metrodome with 20,000 other people checking our cell phones for updates and fielding frantic text messages and calls.

Yes, I went to the game last night. I had a Dollar Dog, drank a beer and mocked the poor ushers chasing beach balls. I don’t remember much of the game since I spent half of it answering text messages and trying to figure out what really was going on. I felt strangely oblivious to what was happening. It wasn’t until I got home around 9:30 (yes, I left the game in the 7th) that I saw the destruction.

Yes, there was a game that was played and lost by the Minnesota Twins. Maybe everyone was distracted but…Did Gardy forget that Rincon ruins things? Where was the offense? How did two guys get “picked” off first? When will we replace Castillo’s lead off spot with a hitter? So many questions…can they be answered?

And You Shall Go Forth and Eat Cupcakes

As I sit in my house watching baseball and doing a little web design I am too hot and lazy to cook anything so I am eating a cupcake for dinner. I ran out of soda and bottled water so I am drinking beer. Ah, beer and cupcakes I am glad I am grown up! By the way, orange cupcakes and Woodpecker Hard Cider are not a good mix. Ick.

Life is back on its axis. No, I haven’t forgiven the Castillo trade but I have moved on. Unless I have one gianormous bake sale and can raise a few million to purchase him back there’s nothing I can do.

On to tonight’s game:
What a fucking awesome second inning!!! (Remember: I be drinking the beers so I be swearing.) I was lucky enough to tune in just as Torii Hunter (He Who Shall Not Be Traded) cracked the bat for a homerun. I called Amy (and shocked her into flipping the game on) to do a victory game via the phone. As I tried to tell her a story (not baseball related) the Twins kept the game speeding by so it took me about 20 minutes to tell a 2.5 minute story. Homerun, singles, doubles, steals and errors…oh my! And all at the bottom of the 2nd.

Randomness that ensued during call with Amy:
* Her co-worker Melty (in San Francisco and a Giants fan) decided his At Bat song would be the Sanford & Sons theme song…bah bah baaahnuh.
* When the did a slow motion reply of Cirillo’s run to home (where the catcher dropped the ball) Amy and I both did the slow motion Noooooo...oooohhh...yeeaaaaaahhh...sssssuuuuhhhweeettt…
(I think you had to be there.)

Letter to Metsgrrl
I know you are heading to the Midwest to watch your Mets play. Please tell Luis Castillo hello.
- Jen

Note to Spell Check: Uh, maybe you don’t know this but “gianormous” is now a real word. Dude, you need to update!