Do it now/You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals/So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel

Baseball News
Baby Jesus (aka Joe Mauer) scored a Gold Glove. Here’s the rest of the winners:

Pitcher – Mike Mussina (Yankees)
Catcher – Baby Jesus
1B – Carlos Pena (Rays)
2B – Dustin Pedroia (Red Sox)
3B – Adrian Beltre (Mariners)
SS – Michael Young (Texas)
OF – Torii Hunger (Angels)
OF – Grady’s Ladies Sizemore (Indians)
OF – Ichiro Suzuki (Mariners)

Kinda Baseballish
Wednesday night Jolene (Jolene, Jolene, Jolene) and I bellied up to the bar at Merlin’s Rest for Wednesday Night Pub Quiz. We were flying high after the previous week’s 2nd Place Victory. Our team, The Dolly Partons, were ready to defend our silver medal. Alas, the Irish fates were against us by making the Quiz theme a sports one. Now, before you start scoffing I want to state for the record:

I GOT EVERY BASEBALL QUESTION CORRECT!!!

Now, when you throw in hockey, football, college ball and horse racing I pretty much fail. We did not get second place and we did not get third place but we could hold our heads up because we did get more than 50% right. I consider that a success.

Non-baseball but no less important

Ink ink baby…duh da da da duh
(that is to the tune of Ice Ice Baby)
I have a hankering (yes, “hankering”) to get new ink. I have been waiting for something noteworthy to come along and deserve a tattoo for remembrance. Alas, unless you count the fact I am totally in love with Trader Joe’s asparagus risotto. (Don’t get me wrong, that is pretty awesome.) Then I thought…Fuck it! I am a semi-rational adult and if I want a new tattoo then mama’s getting a new tattoo. So, now the plotting begins….*rubs hands in a menacing manner, not unlike Mr. Burns*
Here is what I am thinking of…

I want it on my chest, near my shoulder. Eventually I want something like this…

Except, well…I am a chick so I got boobs so you won’t be seeing a picture like this flashing around. Also, I don’t know if I would have words or a chain of some sort. So maybe it would be more like this…



Top 6 Things on my mind RIGHT NOW!
1. I felt a small amount of shame over the fact I “that’s what she said” -ed my 3-year old niece.
2. What to wear to the coverband concert tomorrow night.
3. Why I can’t stop singing Sir Mix-a-Lots “I like big butts” in front of my 3-year old niece
4. Within 15 minutes of watching Barack Obama speak at his first press conference I feel like our President Elect is a more eloquent, warm, engaging and intelligent speaking. So, that’s what it feels like.
5. Why are the check-out people at Trader Joe’s so happy all the time? I mean, there is never a not-over-the-top checkout encounter when I am there.
6. David Cook. Yes, I can see all of you (you know who you are) rolling your eyes but come on! The Saturday Night Live performances were awesome! One know at least two of you eye-rollers have the episode saved on TiVo/DVR *cough*Ames*cough*

Furthering Lucy’s musical education
Last night Lucy (age 3) and I hung over for an hour (I don’t like to think of it as babysitting because that seems so formal.) We spent that whole hour dancing to the sounds of Green Day “When I Come Around”, Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” and “Hot and Cold” and Eiffel 65’s “Blue”. It was a strange trip down memory lane.

Randomly Random:
I got an anonymous comment on my last blog entry from a David Archuleta fan. Hmm...I guess that means I blog about David Cook too much. *slaps hand*

Music of the Day – Memory Lane Edition
I took a brief skip down memory lane the other day fondly recalling my favorite songs of the 90’s. The Bloodhound Gang, ah…that brings back thoughts of Boone’s Farm (shuddup), Premium Grainbelt beer and parking ramps.

Bloodhound gang – Discovery Channel/Bad Touch

I welcome the sun/the clouds and rain/the wind that sweeps the sky clean/and lets the sun shine again

Sorry! I can’t even pretend I have something baseball-y to blog about. Heck, even MLB.com is quiet this morning. I guess we do have bigger and better things to focus on.

Non-baseball but no less important
Last night I did slightly delayed-real time blogging to keep notes. Now, I try (and mostly fail) at keeping this blog politics-free but last night we witnessed history (and some of us - me) are so excited about it. Here are some of my notes that aren’t directly politically related.

There are just a couple things I want to point out from last night. Don’t worry, they won’t offend anyone unless you are offended by swearing (and well, if you are offended by swearing then why the fuck are you reading my blog?)

Holla-gram
Thank you CNN for giving us Hologram Reporting! Someone else out there had to have seen the holograms and laughed their asses off (besides Ames and me.) DUDE! Hologram!

6:15 p.m. CT
CNN’s Jessica Yellin live in studio via Hologram.
“You’re a hologram.”
“How excited are you to be the first one beamed in?”
“Thanks Jessica, you are a terrific hologram.”

Actually, I don’t think she’s that great of a hologram because of the squiggly lines.
* I think she looks like a disco ball.
* I also believe that 1990’s Star Trek had better holograms.
* Fucking holograms, they make me laugh. So does beer.

9:47 p.m. CT
Will.I.Am is being beamed to Andy Cooper! I am laughing my ass of at Anderson Cooper saying “Will. I. Am.” Dude is awkward.
“We’ll be right back. We have a lot of holograms coming.”
That’s what she said!

Gratuitous Anderson Cooper Photo
No reason for this except I <3 Andy Cooper!

What I said upon hearing Obama is the 44th President of the United States of America
I was on the phone with Amy and this will be forever my memory of finding out Obama is our president-elect:
“We fucking Baracked the vote Bitch!!!”
Yeah, that will be a lovely memory to share with Lucy one day.

Some people are a little more eloquent about the news (*cough*Obama*cough*)
“Out of many we are one. While we breathe we hope.”

Music of the Day
Because this song reminds me of a sunny spring day.

Brett Dennen – Blessed

lSomething anything just to keep believing/Just to keep on breathing for a moment longer

Barely eeking out some baseball news
Everett is filing for free agency

***PLEASE NOTE: Due to the fact that baseball news is going to be quiet around here (unless I start making stuff up) I will be updated this blog with much more “Non-baseball” information. I am doing that to keep everyone in practice on checking my blog. Hey, you don’t have to read it but you can always check out the new music I post or mock me for fangirling over David Cook. Everyone’s a winner!

Non-Baseball but no less important

NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month)
Day 4!!!

VOTE or DIE!
Well, not really die but you know what I mean.

Things I love
* Fancy restrooms that use washcloths instead of paper towels
* David Cook singing on Saturday Night Live. Click here to see it and make sure to check out the awesome guitar solo by the blonde guy (which could be something else I love: Smoking, Melt Your Face Guitar Riffs!)
* My I Voted Sticker!

Overheard
In my cubicle
C-Sha: Do you want a Mentos?
Me: Uh, yeah!
Hands box over
Me: Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness, fresh goes better with...
C-Sha: Mentos fresh and full of life!
Me and C-Sha: Mentos, the freshmaker!

I don’t understand why the two of us don’t have our own talk show. We crack our own shit up!

In the breakroom
Me (to K): Did you have a good weekend?
K: Yeah, it was uneventful. EV spent the whole weekend trying to find a copy of Rock Band World Tour.
Me: He’s a dork.
K: Yeah, he just ran out of here because he got a hot tip that there’s one left in Coon Rapids.

In the spare bedroom where I was watching Stacy paint the walls
Me: I like the color on the walls. It is like melted milk chocolate.
Stacy: I know! I keep wanting to lick it.
Me (in my head): That’s what she said.
Me (out loud): Wait, I gotta write that down.

Ugh, Nature
This past weekend Minnesota experienced The Perfect Weather. I took advantage of that by going on a little nature walk at Crex Meadows in Grantsburg, WI (home of my grams.) So, let me take you on a brief trip of the thoughts in my head during this:
* When does deer hunting season start?
* Why the hell am I wearing brown during (potential) Deer Season?
* I should have left my designer Betsey Johnson purse in the car.
* What’s that noise?
* In the horror movies who gets picked off first? The people in the front of the group or the back? Maybe I will stay in the middle.

You can’t say that I am not creative. In order to protect myself during (potential) Deer Hunting Season I tied my green scarf around my head and clutched my Betsey Johnson hobo bag to my side. Ain’t no deer hunters gonna shoot me by mistake.

God, I hate nature.

New Release Tuesday
Dido – Safe Trip Home
Sarah Brightman – A Winter Symphony (I can’t even look at her name without grinding my teeth. I had a former co-worker who played her all day long…that was until Gretchen Wilson's Red Neck Woman came along.)
Hinder – Take it To The Limit
Travis – Ode to J Smith (I will be buying this)

Music of the Day
Since Travis’ new album (Ode to J Smith) is out today (BUY YOUR COPY) I thought I would give them a little promotional push here. I dare you to listen to this song and NOT get it sucked in your head. Our local NPR radio station (89.3 The Current) has been playing it a lot!

Travis – Something Anything

Land of plenty, land of fun/To find out I’m Nimrod’s song/Oh bury me/Far away please/Bury me

Now what the hell am I supposed to be doing? Baseball is all done until…well, Winter Meetings.

Congrats to the Phillies. Yes, I may have been cheering for the Rays however I am glad to see someone new getting the trophy.

Twins News
I am so excited to see the LARGER THAN LIFE scoreboard at Target Field. You all remember how much I fangirled over the one in Kansas City.

Three Twins filed for Free Agency: Eddie Guardado, Dennys Reyes and Little Nicky Punto.

Non baseball but no less important

Happy Halloween
So, I don’t “do” costumes but I like to take advantage of Costume Friendly Day in the Land O’Cubicles. Today I am wearing my When Did Rock ‘N Roll Become So Fucking Boring watch, dangly guitar earrings and my pirate Vans shoes. My costume is “Weekend Jen” (minus being drunk.)

Did you know…
That if you wear an Iron Man costume that I am required by law to sing Ozzie’s “I am Iron Man”? Needless to say this kid had to listen to us sing it a few times.


Then I met you
Three years ago yesterday I met Lucy for the very first time. One of my most favorite memories is being at the airport and seeing Stacy come down the escalator with Lucy in her arms. Then I got to hold her and that trumped all!

I am VICTORIOUS!
I have been crowing, hooting, “in your face-ing” all morning long! Last night The Dolly Partons (my Pub Quiz team) took 2nd place at the Merlin’s Rest Pub Quiz. I don’t think you guys know how AWESOME this is. Here are all the things we had going against us:
There are only two on our team versus everyone else’s four
We don’t really excel at geography and history (we are more Pop Culture girls)
Our guessing skills can be summed up with Minnesota Nice – “What do you think the answer is.” “Oh no, you decide you are much better at this.” “No, you are really great too.”
I have attention deficient issues and am easily distracted by shiny objects
The drunk lady stole my concentration

All that aside The Dolly Partons still brought our A Game and took home the silver. I am not sure if it was our mad-skillz or the David Cook birthday card I crafted (as in home-made) for Jolene’s birthday that secured our victory.


Either way…
Come on Jolene, let’s take our victory lap!

Overheard
Whilst standing at bus stop
Young Bum to Scared lady: Can I get some money?
Scared Lady: I don’t carry cash!!!!
Young Bum rolls eyes and looks at me (who is cranky that I missed the bus)
Young Bum to me: You want a cigarette?
Me: No thanks.

Theory: Nice girls get asked for money, surly girls get offered a cigarette

Music of the Day – iPod Shuffle Edition
I just hit shuffle on my iPod and here’s what I got – the Pixies. I forgot how much I love the Pixies (and how much the Violent Femms and Ezra Furman and the Harpoons have an eerily similar sound.)

Pixies – Nimrod’s Son

Hey hey, my my/Rock and roll can never die/There’s more to the picture/Than meets the eye

Note to self: You SUCK at blogging!

Okay, now that’s out of the way.

I am back and blogging. Unfortunately it is at the tail-end of all things baseball but there are other sports and random crap to keep this going until pitchers report to camp.

Baseball First
I have been following the World Series and am cheering for the Rays. Come on…I actually know most of the players on their team as opposed to the Phillies who I only know from the All-Star Game. Looks like we have to wait until tomorrow to see the ending of game 4.

Non-Baseball but no less important

Here are a few updates from my absence:
* I found out that being lazy and replacing the bacon portion of a Bacon and Eggs meal with Bacon-bits is not a good idea. They are not actually a bacon substitute.
* Foley got a tattoo! Ames and I took her to Saint Sabrina’s and in between us crushing on her tattoo artist she got inked with a Vikings logo.

* Absolut Vodka is rolling out a new line of flavored vodkas called Absolut Cities. The first one is Absolut Los Angeles which is a mix of Acai, blueberry and Pomegranate. I think Minneapolis should get its own flavor and it should be cherries, apples and lemongrass.
* The Monday Night Happy Hour Crew returns to the scene of Rossi’s to celebrate the new bar – Hell’s Kitchen. AND we love Dave The Bartender!
* I am going to the AC/DC concert in January and I will be in the 5th Row!
* I learned a new word: Manicorn. Definition: a mythical male creature who is successful (read: pursuing his passion and can pay his electric bills/rent), funny, chivalrous, masculine (read: not chauvinistic), adventurous, artistic (read: not suicidal.) “Where is my manicorn? I keep going out with all these losers!”
* Another bar crawl with the Monday Night Happy Hour Crew with plenty of shenanigans!
* I relived being 10 years old and went to the New Kids on the Blog concert last week.
* I ran the prairies of Walnut Grove, MN and went to the Little House on the Prairie museum. Yes, there were bonnets involved.

* Loads of David Cook updates:
- Dan Wilson (local guy of Semisonic and Trip Shakespeare fame) co-wrote song on David Cook’s new album.
- He will be the musical guest on Saturday Night Live this Saturday.
- His new single was on a jukebox at one of the bars on our Nordeast Bar Crawl (and I took a picture of it. I blame the seven other bars for getting me tipsy.)


Overheard...
At a game
Grown man: That’s bizarro!
Amy (whispering to me): Did you hear that grown man say “bizarro?”
Me (whispering back): I am totally writing that down.

In the Land O’Cubicles
Me: I was so pissed off when I realized that today was only Wednesday.
Co-worker: What day did you think it was?
Me: I thought it was fucking Thursday. When I found out it was only Wednesday I wanted to throw-up.

In my house
Stacy: *random comment*
Me: That’s what she said!
Stacy: What? Who said it?
Me: Sigh. It is not fun to pull a “That’s What She Said” with someone who isn’t up on pop culture.

At Leeann Chins in Maple Grove
Ames: Did you notice the handsome guy that took our order?
Me: No, I was too excited about the Cream Cheese Puffs.
Amy: *non-committal noise*
Me: Amy! Instead of Bro’s before Ho’s it is Cream Cheese Puffs before Ho’s

Theory – you can take the girl out of the ghetto but you can’t take the ghetto out of the girl.

Music of the Day
Let’s jam to one of my favorite Neil Young songs!

Neil Young – Hey Hey My My

I walk right through the door/Walk right through the door/Hey all right! If I get by, it’s mine/Mine all mine

.5
That’s it.

About Last Night (cliché, I know)
I watched the first few innings of the game from a table in the bar at Don Pablos. (Yeah, yeah, yeah.) Thank goodness the friend I was out to dinner with understands my quirks and was okay having dinner in the bar while I gaze over her right shoulder at the television set. Thanks Lurlene!

After I got home I had a tough decision to make. You see I had to flip between the premiers of Criminal Minds and CSI NY and the game. It took some fancy Flash button work but I succeeded. Of course I missed most of CSI NY due to the nail biting on the field. At the top of the 9th before the first pitch was even thrown I was texting all my baseball peeps to virtually hold my hand.

Sweet baby Jesus! That was close, too close but like I always say “A win is a win is a win is a win.” Makes sense, right?

Tonight
I must finish all my errands (man, that makes me sound like a mini-van driving soccer mom) and be on my sofa promptly at 7:00 p.m. History may be made and I need to witness it.

Non-baseball but no less important

Overheard
I created an Overheard section because…well, I either overhear a lot or am overheard a lot.

Overheard in my living room during a toddler dance session
Lucy: I gonna take my pants off now.
Stacy: Wait, why are you taking your pants off?
Lucy: So it is easier to dance.
Stacy (muttering): Yeah ‘cause knit leggings are hard to dance in.

Hey whatever moves ya, Sistah!

Overheard in a PT Cruiser
(one afternoon after picking Lucy up from pre-school)
Lucy (from the backseat): I saw a pink elephant at the park!
Me (muttering to Stacy): Someone’s been toking the bong
… One minute passes
Lucy (shouting): Toking the bong!

Yeah, I am probably not the best influence for a three-year old.

Overheard in the living room whilst watching Criminal Minds
Me: Why is he running after the bomb!?
Stacy: He’s not running after the bomb he’s running after the bomber.
Me: No, he said he was the bomb.
Stacy: No, he said he was the bomber.
Me: No, he’s said that he is the bomb and not in the “Oh snap, he da bomb” way.
Stacy (holding up a picture of David Beckham in an underwear ad: No, he’s da bomb.

True that.

Music of the Day
Just for the sake of fun I put my iPod on shuffle. Let’s see what pops up…Jane’s Addiction! YEAH!!! This is one of my favorite songs (I know, I say that about a lot of songs.) This came out when I was in middle school and I thought I was pretty edgy listening to this instead of Mariah Carey or Color me Badd.

Jane’s Addiction – Been Caught Stealing

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone/Something I rely on to get home/One I can feel at night

If you would allow me another break in my irregular blogging for a very special edition of Lipgloss & Baseball: Out of the Box. (No, smartasses, it isn’t another American Idol concert review.)

Imagine this…
9:00 a.m., Sunday morning
A parking lot packed with vehicles and human bodies modeling the latest designs in football fan apparel.
The sounds are a mix of generators, dull roars and random singing.
The smells are generator gas fumes, spilled beer and grilled food.
Everything is a blur of purple and gold.
I have arrived at Minnesota Vikings Tailgating!

That morning I wedged my slightly hungover self in a train packed with Minnesota Vikings football fans. You see, I was cajoled into attending the pre-game festivities and tailgate with my season ticket holder friends. I went with slight trepidation because I didn’t know what to expect as I have never ever been to a regular season professional football game before. As I walked past parking lots full of fans and booze I realized my first mistake. I wasn’t wearing Vikings apparel. I don’t own anything purple & gold (the colors clash horribly with my red hair.) I had on a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and jeans. I was going to stick out like a sore thumb…or a Carolina Panther fan. Whoops! As soon as I found my friends they fell upon me as if they were reenacting a scene from Cinderella. They had to turn this poor, enslaved semi-fan into a full blown football princess. All it took were billions strands of purple & gold beads and a hat with horns on it. Ugh…kind of stupid for princess apparel but I didn’t have a say. As soon as I was fully kitted out I was given a can of Coors Light. Now, I think I fangirled a little too much over my can of beer because it was in a new Optimal Coolant can which meant it turned blue when it reached the optimal temperature for drinking. (For reference I have actually blogged about these cans before: 6/21/07 and 4/3/08.) I was failing fast as a tailgater. I drank my mid-priced beer as fast as I could to impress the dozen or so tailgaters in my crew. I didn’t crush the can on my head but I did throw in on the ground and crush it with my new black Mary Jane Crocs. Then I was promptly given a little plastic cup which held a purple and yellow Jell-o shot. I man-ed up and took my first Jell-o shot like a professional frat boy. Hmm…tasty. Wait! They have whipped cream too? Okay, now this is my kind of party. Moving on.

So, I am in a parking lot, drinking (up to four Jell-o shots now), eating and trying to hold a conversation with dozens of drunken Vikings fans. I am finding very little success using my vast knowledge of all things baseball so I start throwing out random football things that I know.
Boomer Esiason! I know him! He was a big Jets player. I had his trading card when I was a kid.
Randy Moss! He was arrested for running down a traffic cop and possession of Marijuana right outside of my office window (that was a great day.)
Tommy Kramer! Stacy had posters of Tommy Kramer in her bedroom.
So, my tailgaters are mildly impressed now (or humoring me) so I feel comfortable in my surroundings. Actually, it is like an episode of Wild Planet! I could be the host and walk around talking in a hushed tone (and horrible fake British accent) “Here we are amongst the animals in the natural environment. You can see the big guy over there in purple and yellow Zubaz; he is the leader of this pack. The woman with feathered hair and a beer helmet is his mate.”

Moving on, yet again. So, we are standing around drinking and talking and listening to music. Our music was provided by this giant boombox/subwoofer looking thing blasting out tunes. Mostly background sounds but what? WAIT! WHAT IS THAT PLAYING? No!!! It can’t be! The music! They are playing David Cook’s version of Billie Jean.

The Tailgaters played David Cook!
Why yes, I did fangirl and I fangirled hard. I stopped talking, mid-sentence, turned away from my friends and slowly drifted (as if in a zombie movie) towards the monster truck blasting the music. It was like I was Moses parting a sea of purple and gold water. (Okay, pardon the sacrilegious bible reference.) I passed by people doing Keg-Stands, ladies flashing men (and maybe even me) for beads, a homeless guy wearing a fake fur coat and some pimps. I arrived. I arrived at the machine that produced music that reminded me of what a fangirl I can be. I approached the guy standing by the music. He looked really nervous as I approached him. Maybe it was my glazed eyes, maybe it was my Led Zeppelin t-shirt, maybe it was my slightly crushed Coors Light clenched in my hand. Either way, he was a little apprehensive. I did that whispery, breathy talk (that only girls can achieve) and said “I love David Cook.” He nodded and handed me a bottle of Stella and sent me on my way.
Moral of the story: In a sea of Vikings shit I found something to connect with…David Cook. Alas, drunken football fans couldn’t connect with me. Doesn’t matter…my favorite moment after tailgating, a three-hour football game, lots of beer, too many Jell-o shots and a victorious win over the Caroline Panthers was…hearing David Cook in a parking lot.

Photographic Evidence

Leggo my Jell-o

Music of the Day
Raise your hand if you are shocked that I picked this? Okay, let’s be honest, I don’t ask for much from you guys. I don’t rant, I am not irrational, I don’t fangirl over random things…okay, wait. That is all wrong. You should be used to me by now, right? Since I am all in “confession mode” I may as well admit that I am on the freaking David Cook mailing list. Okay, ya’ll done laughing now? Mooooving on. Yesterday I got an email that David Cook’s new single - Light On was being released for listening. So, I listened to it and…I kind of love it. I know, SHOCKING right? Just set aside your mockery and give it a listen.
David Cook Turns the ‘Light On’ His Debut Single

David Cook – Light On (new single)