Friday, November 21, 2008

My friends called today/down from L.A./they were shooting pool all night/Sleeping half the day

Close to home
I don’t really understand it but….Rule 5 Draft
Minnesota Twins adding eight men to the 40-man roster:
Brian Duensing, Anthony Swarzak, Drew Butera, Wilson Ramos, Luke Hughes, Trevor Plouffe, Deibinson Romero, and Steve Tolleson

Around the League
Mike Mussina officially announces his retirement (until something better comes along) – that last part is what I was thinking in my head.

Control of Yankees shifts to son Hal, George Steinbrenner remains chairman

Non-baseball but no less important

E.V. humored me today and now I need to publicly thank him!

So, thank you EV for:
* The heads-up on pre-sale Motley Crue tickets
* All the 90210 gossip
* Listening to David Cook’s song “Bar-ba-sol”

The Crue is my crew

Now, what the hell does one wear to a Motley Crue concert? I will have to find some big hoop earrings, a can of Aquanet, and stonewashed denim.

I scored tickets to go see Motley Crue at the Xcel Energy Center (with Hinder) on February 18, 2009. So far, 2009 is going to be a kick ass concert year (January – AC/DC, February – Motley Crue, March – Katy Perry.)

Chinese Democracy
I am very interested in checking out Guns N’ Roses “new” album, Chinese Democracy, but Axel Rose’s hair freaks me the fuck out.

New Release Tuesday, er Friday
I fail! I can’t believe I totally spaced on this. I guess my only excuse is I was fangirling over the new David Cook CD.

11/18/08Beyonce – I am…Sasha Fierce (interesting, very interesting)
David Cook – David Cook (one guess on how I feel about this one)
Billy Ray Cyrus – Back to Tennessee (aka: not going to be in my collection)
Dido – Safe Trip Home
Sammy Hagar – Cosmic Universal Fashion
Il Divo – The Promise (who the heck are these guys?)
Mudvayne – The New Game (their band name makes me mental)
Nickelback – Dark Horse (not a Nickelback fan but the one song I hear all the time is good)

Overheard (via email)
An email exchange between my co-worker Mike (a self-proclaimed Archie’s Angel) and me
Me: Guess which David is on the front of CNN Entertainment? David fucking Cook.
Mike: Whatever! What I do find noteworthy is that he is a native of Missouri…another red state like Utah. He has more in common with Archie than I originally thought.
Me: Don’t try to cover up my victory with your smarty-pants political mumbo-jumbo. My David beat your David in more than the Idol Battle…so there!
Mike: That’s what she said.
Me: NO! That’s my response! Don’t say that. Shit. Now I have to write my Overheard with you saying it. Thanks a lot.
Motley Crue – Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Till the daylight turns to ash and blows away/Missing keys/bloody nose/consequences of what I chose

Can we having some freaking baseball please?!?!?!
AL MVP – Dustin Pedroia
Runner-up – Morneausey
3rd – Youkilils
4th – Baby Jesus (I believe)

Wow…good showing for the Twins!

They tried to make me go to rehab
Neshek is heading back to rehab. Damn…I was hoping to have Death Metal back to wow the national announcers. Note: This rehab is for an arm injury and not substance abuse. Got it?

Trade rumor mill
Pedro Martinez says he’ll be pitching next year but with who (or is it “whom?” I am too lazy to check…sorry)

Yankees are buying souls and making offers to CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett
I heard about the Sabathia offer whilst bellied up to a bar drinking my two-for-one (2-4-1) Absolut Mandarin and Tonics. I was super pissy about it at that moment so I sent a text to someone who would understand…Those Girls.

Non-baseball but no less important

This is totally not important except to those who like to mock me:
Commence eye rolling
Hey, to 99%* of my blog readers…yeah, I am talking to you, here’s the deal. Today David Cook’s album is released. So that means I bought it and I will be listening to it and then I will be talking about it. Ya’ll are just going to have to deal. Okay? Okay.

In case you don’t have enough to mock and laugh at me about let me show you some photos that I took in my extremely ghetto Wal-Mart**.

*the number is possibly made up because I don’t like math.

**For you local yokels the Ghetto Wal-Mart is located in Richfield off of America Blvd. The music collection is mostly rap and Latina dance. There are approximately two rows (yes, rows) of “Rock” music. I put quotation marks around “Rock” because the “Rock” section also includes Miley Cyrus and Toby Keith. Yeah.

Also, if you wanted to you could totally go buy a copy and I would give you a big Kudos. I do believe I said something to Amy last night that sounded like this: “Remember you liked that one song? You should go buy the album and then I would laugh victoriously and then I would say that I made you cooler and then you would be cool. "

How come…
When I am wearing the only pair of sweatpants I own (yes, I only own one pair) that is the time that someone knocks on the door or there is some “good photo op.” No way, I am never wearing them again!

When you slip on a plastic hanger on a wooden floor you slide for about four feet and then you fall into a painful heap on the floor?
When you start the happy hour festivities at 4:00 p.m. you are ready to go to bed (pass out, whatever) by 9:00 p.m.?

Overseen in my cubicle – Suburban Commuter Ensemble
My co-worker C-SHa wearing a pretty dress with brown tights, white athletic socks and sneakers for her walk to the bus stop.

In my cubicle
C-Sha: I am changing back into my other shoes
Me: I am sorry that I can’t stop making fun of you.

Music of the Day – Fangirl Edition
You know this was coming! WAIT! Before you just skip on check this song out. It is damn good. Rock, heavy guitar solos and real live music. Just humor me.

David Cook – Bar-ba-sol

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Where it’s at/I got two turntables and a microphone/Take me home in my elevator bones

Hey! I actually have real baseball stuff to write about!

As if we needed another reason to boo the Yankees – Swisher to Yankees
I am curious to see Those Girls' reactions.

Gardy extended through 2011

Sort of baseball with a side of fangirl
Business and pleasure at Wright’s Gala

So, David Wright - who I mock only for the fact of the pink Mrs. Wright t-shirts I see on TV, had his fourth annual Wright Foundation Gala the other night. Now, you may be asking…why do I, Mocky McMockertons, care about that? Well, because David freaking Cook performed there! Duh, you knew that was coming. Anyways if you allow me a fangirling moment…
MLB Official Entertainment Video

Non-baseball but no less important

Dear Mother Nature,
Suck it.
Love, Jen

Don’t run with scissors and while you are at it…don’t brandish them either

My caption: Like a knight wielding his sword against the mighty dragon, Lucy has Big People Scissors. Run for your lives!

The Dolly Partons new lucky namecard proved to be unlucky
Damn it.

My Pub Quiz team (The Dolly Partons) are trying hard to recreate our near-perfect game from two weeks ago. At that time I had given Jolene (Joelen, Joelen, Joelen) a homemade birthday cared that had pictures of David Cook on it (she is a fan too!) The night of that exchange we got second place in the Merlin’s Rest Pub Quiz. So, in hopes of capturing that magice I got crafy! Made a placecard (or small yet tasteful sign) for our table (yes, we are dorks and yes, we were the only ones with a nametag.) On one side it had photos of Dolly Parton (our namesake) and on the other side it had pictures of our other favorite people: David Cook (shut it!), Obama (FTW!), Travis (our favorite Scottish band) and Neal (a random member of David Cook’s band that I am not-so-secretly crushing on.) Alas, the magic wasn’t to be had. We failed. As the night progressed our standars lowered…rapidly.
“Hey, let’s get at least 50% right!”
“Hey, let’s get at least in the double digits.”
“Well fuck, let’s get at least one damn answer right!”

We did better than expected and just missed the 50% mark (hell, if you roundup we passed it.)

What’s your Ringtone?
My cellphone – a T-Mobile Sidekick (fondly called Chuck Norris II) is pretty pimped out with personalized ringtones:
* Ames – Kashmir by Led Zeppelin because that’s how she rolls (and she may have threatened my life if I put her as David Archuleta)
* Foley – Crush by David Archuleta because she loves him and voted for him
* Stacy – Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty (and not that shitty cover by John Mayer)
* Monday Night Happy Hour Crew – I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry because of sentimental reasons only *cough*Duluth*cough
* The Parents – Icky Thump by White Stripes because I love that song!
* My old default – Billie Jean by Michael Jackson which has now been usurped by….drumroll please…
* Light On by David Cook! Yes my friends, roll your eyes, plug your ears, mock me if you dare.

Music of the Day – in hopes of gaining some of my music cred back

Beck – Where it’s at (REMIX)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Another ringer with the slick trigger finger/for her majesty/another one with the golden tongue

Baseball news
Well, you sure the hell aren’t hearing it here first but…
* Matt Holliday is traded to the Oakland A’s
* Evan Longoria and Geovany Soto are Rookies of the Year (hey, if that squeaky voiced little kid can do it in the Disney movie…)
* NL Cy Young Award goes to some guy I don’t know…Tim Lincecum (Giants)

Non-baseball but no less important

Overheard – That’s What She Said Specials

Via text message between Stacy (who was upstairs) and me (who was downstairs)
Stacy: The bedroom floor is one big vibrator.
Me: That’s what she said.
Stacy: I don’t think it counts when the intent is sexual.
Me: Of course it does. We will have to bring this up to the courts to decide.
Stacy: That’s what she said.
Me: Dumbass.
Stacy: What are you doing now?Me: Updating my blog with our conversation. Are you still on the vibrating floor?

Stacy: Just got up.
Me: That’s what she said.

In my house whilst watching CSI: Miami
The CSI people go into this fancy house
Aunt K: Man, he had to rub a lot of oil on a lot of women to get a place that big.
Me: That’s what she said.
Aunt K: She did?
Me (laughing): I gotta write that down.
Aunt K: Wait, did she say that?

On Saturday at the Thunder from Down Under All-Male Strip Show
By drunk woman whilst taking a picture of herself with two other friends
Woman: Let’s have a threesome!
Me (muttering under my breath): That’s what she said!

On Saturday at the Thunder from Down Under All-Male Strip Show
During the Sparta dance “routine”
Elle: They have swords!

Me: That’s what she said!
Elle: They are touching them together.

Overheard: Non-That’s What She Said Moments

In my cubicle
MT (who holds an MBA and speaks multiple languages): You talk about David Cook way more than humanly possible
Me: Shut it, you are the one pretending to love David Archuleta.
MT: Didn’t you hear Jen? I am an Archie’s Angel!
Me (choking): I gotta right that down.

In the kitchen while cooking
Lucy (wearing a Hannah Montana blonde wig): Can I watch you cook?

Stacy: No baby, it is hot in here and you are wearing a very flammable wig.

Getting my servings of fruits and veggies
Whilst a Bloody Mary does not in fact include blood or someone called Mary it does contain tomatoes juice, celery and pickle. That right there covers my veggie-servings.

Note to self: Eating purple M&Ms does not substitute as a fruit serving just because they look like grapes. They aren’t.

Top Albums
I was asked to name my top 10 albums of all time…of course I added a few extra.

Prince – Purple Rain
AC/DC – Back in Black
America – History
Beastie Boys – Ill Communication
Bob Marley & the Wailers – Legend
Counting Crows – August & Everything After
David Bowie – Best of Bowie
Proclaimers – Sunshine of Leith
Queen – Greatest Hits
Steve Miller Band – Young Hearts
Tom Petty – Greatest Hits
Violent Femmes – Violent Femmes

Honorable mentions:
The Fratellis – Costello Music
Babyshambles – Shotter’s Nation
The Kooks – In/Inside Out
Matisyahu – Youth
Regina Spektor – Begin to Hope
Rilo Kiley – More adventurous
Travis – Singles
22-20s – 05-03

Music of the Day
I think I posted this song a while ago before it was released. However, now it has a video for it. This is the new theme song for the Bond movie. Hey, I will post anything that Jack White touches…he’s gold, baby!

Alicia Keys & Jack White – Another Way to Die (from the new Bond movie)

Friday, November 7, 2008

Do it now/You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals/So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel

Baseball News
Baby Jesus (aka Joe Mauer) scored a Gold Glove. Here’s the rest of the winners:

Pitcher – Mike Mussina (Yankees)
Catcher – Baby Jesus
1B – Carlos Pena (Rays)
2B – Dustin Pedroia (Red Sox)
3B – Adrian Beltre (Mariners)
SS – Michael Young (Texas)
OF – Torii Hunger (Angels)
OF – Grady’s Ladies Sizemore (Indians)
OF – Ichiro Suzuki (Mariners)

Kinda Baseballish
Wednesday night Jolene (Jolene, Jolene, Jolene) and I bellied up to the bar at Merlin’s Rest for Wednesday Night Pub Quiz. We were flying high after the previous week’s 2nd Place Victory. Our team, The Dolly Partons, were ready to defend our silver medal. Alas, the Irish fates were against us by making the Quiz theme a sports one. Now, before you start scoffing I want to state for the record:


Now, when you throw in hockey, football, college ball and horse racing I pretty much fail. We did not get second place and we did not get third place but we could hold our heads up because we did get more than 50% right. I consider that a success.

Non-baseball but no less important

Ink ink baby…duh da da da duh
(that is to the tune of Ice Ice Baby)
I have a hankering (yes, “hankering”) to get new ink. I have been waiting for something noteworthy to come along and deserve a tattoo for remembrance. Alas, unless you count the fact I am totally in love with Trader Joe’s asparagus risotto. (Don’t get me wrong, that is pretty awesome.) Then I thought…Fuck it! I am a semi-rational adult and if I want a new tattoo then mama’s getting a new tattoo. So, now the plotting begins….*rubs hands in a menacing manner, not unlike Mr. Burns*
Here is what I am thinking of…

I want it on my chest, near my shoulder. Eventually I want something like this…

Except, well…I am a chick so I got boobs so you won’t be seeing a picture like this flashing around. Also, I don’t know if I would have words or a chain of some sort. So maybe it would be more like this…

Top 6 Things on my mind RIGHT NOW!
1. I felt a small amount of shame over the fact I “that’s what she said” -ed my 3-year old niece.
2. What to wear to the coverband concert tomorrow night.
3. Why I can’t stop singing Sir Mix-a-Lots “I like big butts” in front of my 3-year old niece
4. Within 15 minutes of watching Barack Obama speak at his first press conference I feel like our President Elect is a more eloquent, warm, engaging and intelligent speaking. So, that’s what it feels like.
5. Why are the check-out people at Trader Joe’s so happy all the time? I mean, there is never a not-over-the-top checkout encounter when I am there.
6. David Cook. Yes, I can see all of you (you know who you are) rolling your eyes but come on! The Saturday Night Live performances were awesome! One know at least two of you eye-rollers have the episode saved on TiVo/DVR *cough*Ames*cough*

Furthering Lucy’s musical education
Last night Lucy (age 3) and I hung over for an hour (I don’t like to think of it as babysitting because that seems so formal.) We spent that whole hour dancing to the sounds of Green Day “When I Come Around”, Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” and “Hot and Cold” and Eiffel 65’s “Blue”. It was a strange trip down memory lane.

Randomly Random:
I got an anonymous comment on my last blog entry from a David Archuleta fan. Hmm...I guess that means I blog about David Cook too much. *slaps hand*

Music of the Day – Memory Lane Edition
I took a brief skip down memory lane the other day fondly recalling my favorite songs of the 90’s. The Bloodhound Gang, ah…that brings back thoughts of Boone’s Farm (shuddup), Premium Grainbelt beer and parking ramps.

Bloodhound gang – Discovery Channel/Bad Touch

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I welcome the sun/the clouds and rain/the wind that sweeps the sky clean/and lets the sun shine again

Sorry! I can’t even pretend I have something baseball-y to blog about. Heck, even is quiet this morning. I guess we do have bigger and better things to focus on.

Non-baseball but no less important
Last night I did slightly delayed-real time blogging to keep notes. Now, I try (and mostly fail) at keeping this blog politics-free but last night we witnessed history (and some of us - me) are so excited about it. Here are some of my notes that aren’t directly politically related.

There are just a couple things I want to point out from last night. Don’t worry, they won’t offend anyone unless you are offended by swearing (and well, if you are offended by swearing then why the fuck are you reading my blog?)

Thank you CNN for giving us Hologram Reporting! Someone else out there had to have seen the holograms and laughed their asses off (besides Ames and me.) DUDE! Hologram!

6:15 p.m. CT
CNN’s Jessica Yellin live in studio via Hologram.
“You’re a hologram.”
“How excited are you to be the first one beamed in?”
“Thanks Jessica, you are a terrific hologram.”

Actually, I don’t think she’s that great of a hologram because of the squiggly lines.
* I think she looks like a disco ball.
* I also believe that 1990’s Star Trek had better holograms.
* Fucking holograms, they make me laugh. So does beer.

9:47 p.m. CT
Will.I.Am is being beamed to Andy Cooper! I am laughing my ass of at Anderson Cooper saying “Will. I. Am.” Dude is awkward.
“We’ll be right back. We have a lot of holograms coming.”
That’s what she said!

Gratuitous Anderson Cooper Photo
No reason for this except I <3 Andy Cooper!

What I said upon hearing Obama is the 44th President of the United States of America
I was on the phone with Amy and this will be forever my memory of finding out Obama is our president-elect:
“We fucking Baracked the vote Bitch!!!”
Yeah, that will be a lovely memory to share with Lucy one day.

Some people are a little more eloquent about the news (*cough*Obama*cough*)
“Out of many we are one. While we breathe we hope.”

Music of the Day

Because this song reminds me of a sunny spring day.

Brett Dennen – Blessed

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

lSomething anything just to keep believing/Just to keep on breathing for a moment longer

Barely eeking out some baseball news
Everett is filing for free agency

***PLEASE NOTE: Due to the fact that baseball news is going to be quiet around here (unless I start making stuff up) I will be updated this blog with much more “Non-baseball” information. I am doing that to keep everyone in practice on checking my blog. Hey, you don’t have to read it but you can always check out the new music I post or mock me for fangirling over David Cook. Everyone’s a winner!

Non-Baseball but no less important

NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month)
Day 4!!!

Well, not really die but you know what I mean.

Things I love
* Fancy restrooms that use washcloths instead of paper towels
* David Cook singing on Saturday Night Live. Click here to see it and make sure to check out the awesome guitar solo by the blonde guy (which could be something else I love: Smoking, Melt Your Face Guitar Riffs!)
* My I Voted Sticker!

In my cubicle
C-Sha: Do you want a Mentos?
Me: Uh, yeah!
Hands box over
Me: Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness, fresh goes better with...
C-Sha: Mentos fresh and full of life!
Me and C-Sha: Mentos, the freshmaker!

I don’t understand why the two of us don’t have our own talk show. We crack our own shit up!

In the breakroom
Me (to K): Did you have a good weekend?
K: Yeah, it was uneventful. EV spent the whole weekend trying to find a copy of Rock Band World Tour.
Me: He’s a dork.
K: Yeah, he just ran out of here because he got a hot tip that there’s one left in Coon Rapids.

In the spare bedroom where I was watching Stacy paint the walls
Me: I like the color on the walls. It is like melted milk chocolate.
Stacy: I know! I keep wanting to lick it.
Me (in my head): That’s what she said.
Me (out loud): Wait, I gotta write that down.

Ugh, Nature

This past weekend Minnesota experienced The Perfect Weather. I took advantage of that by going on a little nature walk at Crex Meadows in Grantsburg, WI (home of my grams.) So, let me take you on a brief trip of the thoughts in my head during this:
* When does deer hunting season start?
* Why the hell am I wearing brown during (potential) Deer Season?
* I should have left my designer Betsey Johnson purse in the car.
* What’s that noise?
* In the horror movies who gets picked off first? The people in the front of the group or the back? Maybe I will stay in the middle.

You can’t say that I am not creative. In order to protect myself during (potential) Deer Hunting Season I tied my green scarf around my head and clutched my Betsey Johnson hobo bag to my side. Ain’t no deer hunters gonna shoot me by mistake.

God, I hate nature.

New Release Tuesday
Dido – Safe Trip Home
Sarah Brightman – A Winter Symphony (I can’t even look at her name without grinding my teeth. I had a former co-worker who played her all day long…that was until Gretchen Wilson's Red Neck Woman came along.)
Hinder – Take it To The Limit
Travis – Ode to J Smith (I will be buying this)

Music of the Day
Since Travis’ new album (Ode to J Smith) is out today (BUY YOUR COPY) I thought I would give them a little promotional push here. I dare you to listen to this song and NOT get it sucked in your head. Our local NPR radio station (89.3 The Current) has been playing it a lot!

Travis – Something Anything

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Land of plenty, land of fun/To find out I’m Nimrod’s song/Oh bury me/Far away please/Bury me

Now what the hell am I supposed to be doing? Baseball is all done until…well, Winter Meetings.

Congrats to the Phillies. Yes, I may have been cheering for the Rays however I am glad to see someone new getting the trophy.

Twins News
I am so excited to see the LARGER THAN LIFE scoreboard at Target Field. You all remember how much I fangirled over the one in Kansas City.

Three Twins filed for Free Agency: Eddie Guardado, Dennys Reyes and Little Nicky Punto.

Non baseball but no less important

Happy Halloween
So, I don’t “do” costumes but I like to take advantage of Costume Friendly Day in the Land O’Cubicles. Today I am wearing my When Did Rock ‘N Roll Become So Fucking Boring watch, dangly guitar earrings and my pirate Vans shoes. My costume is “Weekend Jen” (minus being drunk.)

Did you know…
That if you wear an Iron Man costume that I am required by law to sing Ozzie’s “I am Iron Man”? Needless to say this kid had to listen to us sing it a few times.

Then I met you
Three years ago yesterday I met Lucy for the very first time. One of my most favorite memories is being at the airport and seeing Stacy come down the escalator with Lucy in her arms. Then I got to hold her and that trumped all!

I have been crowing, hooting, “in your face-ing” all morning long! Last night The Dolly Partons (my Pub Quiz team) took 2nd place at the Merlin’s Rest Pub Quiz. I don’t think you guys know how AWESOME this is. Here are all the things we had going against us:
There are only two on our team versus everyone else’s four
We don’t really excel at geography and history (we are more Pop Culture girls)
Our guessing skills can be summed up with Minnesota Nice – “What do you think the answer is.” “Oh no, you decide you are much better at this.” “No, you are really great too.”
I have attention deficient issues and am easily distracted by shiny objects
The drunk lady stole my concentration

All that aside The Dolly Partons still brought our A Game and took home the silver. I am not sure if it was our mad-skillz or the David Cook birthday card I crafted (as in home-made) for Jolene’s birthday that secured our victory.

Either way…
Come on Jolene, let’s take our victory lap!

Whilst standing at bus stop
Young Bum to Scared lady: Can I get some money?
Scared Lady: I don’t carry cash!!!!
Young Bum rolls eyes and looks at me (who is cranky that I missed the bus)
Young Bum to me: You want a cigarette?
Me: No thanks.

Theory: Nice girls get asked for money, surly girls get offered a cigarette

Music of the Day – iPod Shuffle Edition
I just hit shuffle on my iPod and here’s what I got – the Pixies. I forgot how much I love the Pixies (and how much the Violent Femms and Ezra Furman and the Harpoons have an eerily similar sound.)

Pixies – Nimrod’s Son