If you would allow me another break in my irregular blogging for a very special edition of Lipgloss & Baseball: Out of the Box. (No, smartasses, it isn’t another American Idol concert review.)
9:00 a.m., Sunday morning
A parking lot packed with vehicles and human bodies modeling the latest designs in football fan apparel.
The sounds are a mix of generators, dull roars and random singing.
The smells are generator gas fumes, spilled beer and grilled food.
Everything is a blur of purple and gold.
I have arrived at Minnesota Vikings Tailgating!
That morning I wedged my slightly hungover self in a train packed with Minnesota Vikings football fans. You see, I was cajoled into attending the pre-game festivities and tailgate with my season ticket holder friends. I went with slight trepidation because I didn’t know what to expect as I have never ever been to a regular season professional football game before. As I walked past parking lots full of fans and booze I realized my first mistake. I wasn’t wearing Vikings apparel. I don’t own anything purple & gold (the colors clash horribly with my red hair.) I had on a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and jeans. I was going to stick out like a sore thumb…or a Carolina Panther fan. Whoops! As soon as I found my friends they fell upon me as if they were reenacting a scene from Cinderella. They had to turn this poor, enslaved semi-fan into a full blown football princess. All it took were billions strands of purple & gold beads and a hat with horns on it. Ugh…kind of stupid for princess apparel but I didn’t have a say. As soon as I was fully kitted out I was given a can of Coors Light. Now, I think I fangirled a little too much over my can of beer because it was in a new Optimal Coolant can which meant it turned blue when it reached the optimal temperature for drinking. (For reference I have actually blogged about these cans before: 6/21/07 and 4/3/08.) I was failing fast as a tailgater. I drank my mid-priced beer as fast as I could to impress the dozen or so tailgaters in my crew. I didn’t crush the can on my head but I did throw in on the ground and crush it with my new black Mary Jane Crocs. Then I was promptly given a little plastic cup which held a purple and yellow Jell-o shot. I man-ed up and took my first Jell-o shot like a professional frat boy. Hmm…tasty. Wait! They have whipped cream too? Okay, now this is my kind of party. Moving on.
So, I am in a parking lot, drinking (up to four Jell-o shots now), eating and trying to hold a conversation with dozens of drunken Vikings fans. I am finding very little success using my vast knowledge of all things baseball so I start throwing out random football things that I know.
Boomer Esiason! I know him! He was a big Jets player. I had his trading card when I was a kid.
Randy Moss! He was arrested for running down a traffic cop and possession of Marijuana right outside of my office window (that was a great day.)
Tommy Kramer! Stacy had posters of Tommy Kramer in her bedroom.
So, my tailgaters are mildly impressed now (or humoring me) so I feel comfortable in my surroundings. Actually, it is like an episode of Wild Planet! I could be the host and walk around talking in a hushed tone (and horrible fake British accent) “Here we are amongst the animals in the natural environment. You can see the big guy over there in purple and yellow Zubaz; he is the leader of this pack. The woman with feathered hair and a beer helmet is his mate.”
Moving on, yet again. So, we are standing around drinking and talking and listening to music. Our music was provided by this giant boombox/subwoofer looking thing blasting out tunes. Mostly background sounds but what? WAIT! WHAT IS THAT PLAYING? No!!! It can’t be! The music! They are playing David Cook’s version of Billie Jean.
The Tailgaters played David Cook!
Why yes, I did fangirl and I fangirled hard. I stopped talking, mid-sentence, turned away from my friends and slowly drifted (as if in a zombie movie) towards the monster truck blasting the music. It was like I was Moses parting a sea of purple and gold water. (Okay, pardon the sacrilegious bible reference.) I passed by people doing Keg-Stands, ladies flashing men (and maybe even me) for beads, a homeless guy wearing a fake fur coat and some pimps. I arrived. I arrived at the machine that produced music that reminded me of what a fangirl I can be. I approached the guy standing by the music. He looked really nervous as I approached him. Maybe it was my glazed eyes, maybe it was my Led Zeppelin t-shirt, maybe it was my slightly crushed Coors Light clenched in my hand. Either way, he was a little apprehensive. I did that whispery, breathy talk (that only girls can achieve) and said “I love David Cook.” He nodded and handed me a bottle of Stella and sent me on my way.
Moral of the story: In a sea of Vikings shit I found something to connect with…David Cook. Alas, drunken football fans couldn’t connect with me. Doesn’t matter…my favorite moment after tailgating, a three-hour football game, lots of beer, too many Jell-o shots and a victorious win over the Caroline Panthers was…hearing David Cook in a parking lot.
Raise your hand if you are shocked that I picked this? Okay, let’s be honest, I don’t ask for much from you guys. I don’t rant, I am not irrational, I don’t fangirl over random things…okay, wait. That is all wrong. You should be used to me by now, right? Since I am all in “confession mode” I may as well admit that I am on the freaking David Cook mailing list. Okay, ya’ll done laughing now? Mooooving on. Yesterday I got an email that David Cook’s new single - Light On was being released for listening. So, I listened to it and…I kind of love it. I know, SHOCKING right? Just set aside your mockery and give it a listen.
David Cook Turns the ‘Light On’ His Debut Single
David Cook – Light On (new single)