Thursday, September 25, 2008

I walk right through the door/Walk right through the door/Hey all right! If I get by, it’s mine/Mine all mine

That’s it.

About Last Night (cliché, I know)
I watched the first few innings of the game from a table in the bar at Don Pablos. (Yeah, yeah, yeah.) Thank goodness the friend I was out to dinner with understands my quirks and was okay having dinner in the bar while I gaze over her right shoulder at the television set. Thanks Lurlene!

After I got home I had a tough decision to make. You see I had to flip between the premiers of Criminal Minds and CSI NY and the game. It took some fancy Flash button work but I succeeded. Of course I missed most of CSI NY due to the nail biting on the field. At the top of the 9th before the first pitch was even thrown I was texting all my baseball peeps to virtually hold my hand.

Sweet baby Jesus! That was close, too close but like I always say “A win is a win is a win is a win.” Makes sense, right?

I must finish all my errands (man, that makes me sound like a mini-van driving soccer mom) and be on my sofa promptly at 7:00 p.m. History may be made and I need to witness it.

Non-baseball but no less important

I created an Overheard section because…well, I either overhear a lot or am overheard a lot.

Overheard in my living room during a toddler dance session
Lucy: I gonna take my pants off now.
Stacy: Wait, why are you taking your pants off?
Lucy: So it is easier to dance.
Stacy (muttering): Yeah ‘cause knit leggings are hard to dance in.

Hey whatever moves ya, Sistah!

Overheard in a PT Cruiser
(one afternoon after picking Lucy up from pre-school)
Lucy (from the backseat): I saw a pink elephant at the park!
Me (muttering to Stacy): Someone’s been toking the bong
… One minute passes
Lucy (shouting): Toking the bong!

Yeah, I am probably not the best influence for a three-year old.

Overheard in the living room whilst watching Criminal Minds
Me: Why is he running after the bomb!?
Stacy: He’s not running after the bomb he’s running after the bomber.
Me: No, he said he was the bomb.
Stacy: No, he said he was the bomber.
Me: No, he’s said that he is the bomb and not in the “Oh snap, he da bomb” way.
Stacy (holding up a picture of David Beckham in an underwear ad: No, he’s da bomb.

True that.

Music of the Day
Just for the sake of fun I put my iPod on shuffle. Let’s see what pops up…Jane’s Addiction! YEAH!!! This is one of my favorite songs (I know, I say that about a lot of songs.) This came out when I was in middle school and I thought I was pretty edgy listening to this instead of Mariah Carey or Color me Badd.

Jane’s Addiction – Been Caught Stealing

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone/Something I rely on to get home/One I can feel at night

If you would allow me another break in my irregular blogging for a very special edition of Lipgloss & Baseball: Out of the Box. (No, smartasses, it isn’t another American Idol concert review.)

Imagine this…

9:00 a.m., Sunday morning
A parking lot packed with vehicles and human bodies modeling the latest designs in football fan apparel.
The sounds are a mix of generators, dull roars and random singing.
The smells are generator gas fumes, spilled beer and grilled food.
Everything is a blur of purple and gold.
I have arrived at Minnesota Vikings Tailgating!

That morning I wedged my slightly hungover self in a train packed with Minnesota Vikings football fans. You see, I was cajoled into attending the pre-game festivities and tailgate with my season ticket holder friends. I went with slight trepidation because I didn’t know what to expect as I have never ever been to a regular season professional football game before. As I walked past parking lots full of fans and booze I realized my first mistake. I wasn’t wearing Vikings apparel. I don’t own anything purple & gold (the colors clash horribly with my red hair.) I had on a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and jeans. I was going to stick out like a sore thumb…or a Carolina Panther fan. Whoops! As soon as I found my friends they fell upon me as if they were reenacting a scene from Cinderella. They had to turn this poor, enslaved semi-fan into a full blown football princess. All it took were billions strands of purple & gold beads and a hat with horns on it. Ugh…kind of stupid for princess apparel but I didn’t have a say. As soon as I was fully kitted out I was given a can of Coors Light. Now, I think I fangirled a little too much over my can of beer because it was in a new Optimal Coolant can which meant it turned blue when it reached the optimal temperature for drinking. (For reference I have actually blogged about these cans before: 6/21/07 and 4/3/08.) I was failing fast as a tailgater. I drank my mid-priced beer as fast as I could to impress the dozen or so tailgaters in my crew. I didn’t crush the can on my head but I did throw in on the ground and crush it with my new black Mary Jane Crocs. Then I was promptly given a little plastic cup which held a purple and yellow Jell-o shot. I man-ed up and took my first Jell-o shot like a professional frat boy. Hmm…tasty. Wait! They have whipped cream too? Okay, now this is my kind of party. Moving on.

So, I am in a parking lot, drinking (up to four Jell-o shots now), eating and trying to hold a conversation with dozens of drunken Vikings fans. I am finding very little success using my vast knowledge of all things baseball so I start throwing out random football things that I know.
Boomer Esiason! I know him! He was a big Jets player. I had his trading card when I was a kid.
Randy Moss! He was arrested for running down a traffic cop and possession of Marijuana right outside of my office window (that was a great day.)
Tommy Kramer! Stacy had posters of Tommy Kramer in her bedroom.
So, my tailgaters are mildly impressed now (or humoring me) so I feel comfortable in my surroundings. Actually, it is like an episode of Wild Planet! I could be the host and walk around talking in a hushed tone (and horrible fake British accent) “Here we are amongst the animals in the natural environment. You can see the big guy over there in purple and yellow Zubaz; he is the leader of this pack. The woman with feathered hair and a beer helmet is his mate.”

Moving on, yet again. So, we are standing around drinking and talking and listening to music. Our music was provided by this giant boombox/subwoofer looking thing blasting out tunes. Mostly background sounds but what? WAIT! WHAT IS THAT PLAYING? No!!! It can’t be! The music! They are playing David Cook’s version of Billie Jean.

The Tailgaters played David Cook!
Why yes, I did fangirl and I fangirled hard. I stopped talking, mid-sentence, turned away from my friends and slowly drifted (as if in a zombie movie) towards the monster truck blasting the music. It was like I was Moses parting a sea of purple and gold water. (Okay, pardon the sacrilegious bible reference.) I passed by people doing Keg-Stands, ladies flashing men (and maybe even me) for beads, a homeless guy wearing a fake fur coat and some pimps. I arrived. I arrived at the machine that produced music that reminded me of what a fangirl I can be. I approached the guy standing by the music. He looked really nervous as I approached him. Maybe it was my glazed eyes, maybe it was my Led Zeppelin t-shirt, maybe it was my slightly crushed Coors Light clenched in my hand. Either way, he was a little apprehensive. I did that whispery, breathy talk (that only girls can achieve) and said “I love David Cook.” He nodded and handed me a bottle of Stella and sent me on my way.
Moral of the story: In a sea of Vikings shit I found something to connect with…David Cook. Alas, drunken football fans couldn’t connect with me. Doesn’t matter…my favorite moment after tailgating, a three-hour football game, lots of beer, too many Jell-o shots and a victorious win over the Caroline Panthers was…hearing David Cook in a parking lot.

Photographic Evidence

Leggo my Jell-o

Music of the Day
Raise your hand if you are shocked that I picked this? Okay, let’s be honest, I don’t ask for much from you guys. I don’t rant, I am not irrational, I don’t fangirl over random things…okay, wait. That is all wrong. You should be used to me by now, right? Since I am all in “confession mode” I may as well admit that I am on the freaking David Cook mailing list. Okay, ya’ll done laughing now? Mooooving on. Yesterday I got an email that David Cook’s new single - Light On was being released for listening. So, I listened to it and…I kind of love it. I know, SHOCKING right? Just set aside your mockery and give it a listen.
David Cook Turns the ‘Light On’ His Debut Single

David Cook – Light On (new single)

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

And shakin’ me up so/That all I really know/Is here you come again/And here I go

I am not going down without a fight!
That’s right! Blogging is back baby! We are in the final stretch. Televisions will be tuned in to the game and the White Sox scores. Eek! I love it!!!

Tonight’s game @6:05
There will be a brief period tonight where I will be flipping back to 90210 because…well, damn it…I love that show. (And so does a few of my blog readers…*cough*Eric*cough*)

You say Target Field, I say Targhetto Field
Target Field, Target Stadium, Targetville, Targetland. The stadium is named. I know some people aren’t very fond of The Target name (and logo) but I like it. I like the safety and security that my second home provides. Let’s see…what can’t Target provide for you? Although…I do foresee some terminology around Targhetto (as we fondly call the one on Hiawatha Ave.)

Last Home stand
Okay, who are all going to games during the last home stand? I will be at Saturday’s game (maybe with my 3 year old niece.) Otherwise I may check out the Thursday game.

Non-baseball but no less important

In which my office is totally The Office
So, we have this big United Way fundraising week coming up in October. I was passive-aggressively roped into leading the Bake Sale. (Me thinks they know of my love for baked goods.) Anyway, I had to assemble a crack-pot team to lead this event. Here is my communication to them:

To: Team Bake Sale
Okay, I am not one for inspirational speeches (that don’t involve swear words) so don’t expect any halftime in a locker room at the Super Bowl moments here. I just want to say that I expect a lot out of you guys and I don’t want to be disappointed. I want to make sure you are aware of the pressure. You see, we need to be the best damn Event Team in the 2008 Land O’Cubicles United Way Campaign. I don’t want a shitty silver medal hanging around my neck, do you? It is Gold or Go Home.

This year’s theme is “Express Your Heart.” Now, I understand that this Hallmark theme doesn’t give us much to work with but I know I have assembled the “A” team that can make it happen. Let’s choose to give from our mother-fucking bleeding hearts!!!

Who’s with me?
Disclaimer: This is all one big joke email; I am no way reflecting negative impacts or forced participation in a corporate sponsored event. Don’t tase me bro.

If you allow me a moment to fangirl
Some of you may know that I “heart” David Cook (winner of American Idol.) Right? Right. So I was shopping online the other night (which is my favorite thing to do after a happy hour celebration) and saw this on the Skechers site.

I almost spewed Diet Dr. Pepper all over my laptop.

Celebrity Sighting
I am like your one-stop shop for random celebrity sightings. Last week I was merrily skipping to my bus stop after participating in a Happy Hour Extravaganza when I saw a gaggle (yes, gaggle) of sketchy/skanky gals standing on the corner. Of course, my first thought was “Wait, those can’t be hookers in downtown Minneapolis…The RNC is over.” Then I got closer and overheard someone say “I love you Ice Cube!” I know who Ice Cube is! I walked over and joined the mass of sparkly, Love’s Baby Soft scented, giant hoop earring wearing ladies and waved. Yep, me and Ice Cube…we’re tight like that. (In case you aren’t sure who Ice Cube is you can check him out on IMDB.)

FINALLY! I have finally finished the video montage from my roadtrip to Kansas City, MO. Music by Dolly Parton (Here you go again) and Waylon Jennings (Dukes of Hazard theme).

Kansas City or Bust!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Non-Baseball Entry: In which I share my experience at my first American Idol concert

Okay, be warned. This is definitely NOT baseball related but I find sharing my Idol-pain a form of therapy…Oh, and it is amusing.

12 hours of Idol
Okay, this review will seem as long as my 12 Hours of Idol from the concert on 8/31. On Sunday I earned The Coolest Person award (and a special place in heaven.) I volunteered to take a co-worker’s 11-year old daughter (referred to as The Kid) to the American Idol concert in Minneapolis, MN. She was going to be my Beard (my cover-up for going to the concert.) As a first time Idol watcher (and newly reformed former mocker) I had a few rules in my head:
· Not to embarrass The Kid
· Not to fangirl too hard in front of The Kid.
· Not to say anything that could be passed along to The Kid’s dad and later used to embarrass me at work.

Pre-Concert – Meeting the buses
The Kid and I headed to the Target Center and braved the craziness to meet the Idol buses and get autographs. We stood in line with some people that were crazy-in-a-good way and crazy-in-a-“stand back a few extra feet” way. Here’s who we saw:
David Cook- he came out first and fast. I wasn’t prepared. I thought I would get a Brooke White or Kristy Lee Cook warm-up but it was straight to the main event (in my book.) He is The Kid’s favorite Idol Guy so I tried to remain impassive (meaning: not shove her aside.) I gave him something to sign, said thank you, shook his hand and then asked if he would take a picture with The Kid. Nothing earth-shattering, world-turning happened but I enjoyed being close to him for a moment. For some reason I found myself taking so many photos of him just walking through the line. I must have had Happy Shutter Finger Syndrome because I couldn’t stop.
Kristy Lee Cook – We got her autograph and again I used my Minnesota-nice and asked for a picture of her with The Kid. I don’t think she said anything but I could have still been blanking from my DC high.
Jason Castro – The screams! I couldn’t believe the screams. Like flocks of seagulls descending upon the characters of Hitchcock’s movie “The Birds.” He slowly made his way through line until he happened on our corner of the world. After he took a photo with The Kid she whispered to me (since he was still standing right there) why his clothes didn’t match. Yup, those guffaws you heard from Minneapolis were mine. He was wearing his cut-off Manpris, a blue and white striped shirt and a red flannel.
David Archuleta – Or most appropriately summed with “Oh My God It Is David Archuleta!” Yup, I was surrounded by Archie’s Angels (save me!) Okay, you are only going to hear this from me this one time…Dude. Was. Amazing. He was so sweet and took his time with everyone. He really connected with fans, chatted with them, asked how people were doing and made eye contact. After meeting five idols he had to be the most personable one (I will probably get struck by lightening for saying that about anyone besides David Cook – who is my favorite.) When he got to The Kid he signed her paper and asked if she wanted a picture. Then he asked if she was having fun. The Kid, bless her little heart isn’t the biggest Archuleta fan but I think she got caught up in the same phenomenon I did, giggled. He came back after a few moments and checked on her again and made sure she had a good photo and such. As my Grams would say, he’s a nice boy.
Brooke White – Her fanclub people were hovering around the outside of the barriers and I was too distracted to really pay attention. At one point The Kid ran over to where Brooke was standing and I lost sight of her. Damn it, I already failed at being a Responsible Adult. I jumped up and down until I saw The Kid’s shiny blonde hair. I barreled through to take a photo of her and Brooke together (evidently they were waiting on me.)
Right at the end Chikezie, Michael Johns and Carly ran through. They didn’t have time for photos with people but it was still nice to see them.

Concert time – Bring on the Poptarts
I am not afraid of clowns, sock puppets, spiders, snakes but I do have a few irrational fears: deer, dolphins, suburbs. Now I can add one more item to my “Things I Fear List” – Giant Poptarts! Sweet Mother of All That’s Holy! Who let them in? Since I had The Kid with me I tried my damndest not to scream in fear like a…well, 11-year old girl, and remain cool in the presence of all that flammable poly-blend material. There was one moment where I stood there thinking of how funny it would be if someone would fly out of left field and tackle one of the Poptarts. “Poptart down! We have a Poptart down! Send aid, stat!” My brain did wander and I felt some sympathy for those inside the costume, wondering what their role on the tour is. Do they hang with the idols? Do they go drinking? Do they have any Poptart Groupies?
Now the good stuff:
Chikezie – I admit I made a poster for Chikezie. I even held it up between his songs (with slight trepidation but figured I could pass it to The Kid if someone looked at me weird). At one point he saw my sign and pointed it out. What can I say…I fangirled over that. I even sent a text message to a friend who was somewhere else in the Target Center (OMG! Chikezie was totally talking about MY poster.) I am sure that text message will come back to haunt me.
Ramiele – Like everyone says, she is tiny, adorable and sparkly.
Michael Johns – I made a vow not to say anything like “He’s so hot” in front of The Kid so I just internalized my fangirling. The Kid humored me and said that he was cute for an old guy. What the…old? He is my age! I didn’t point that out because I didn’t want to be old.
Kristy Lee Cook – Okay, I admit that I went into her set with an ulterior motive. I would listen to a bit of her first song and then head to the Idol Shop to buy overpriced crap.
Idol Paraphernalia – I did a bad thing, a very sad thing that will lead to mockery by my circle of friends. I bought a David Cook t-shirt. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even think about it. I just remember standing at the counter asking for “one children’s Idol Tour t-shirt and one David Cook t-shirt.” I swear, I didn’t plan that, I don’t even know where the words came from…I just handed over my card and walked away with a David Cook t-shirt. I couldn’t even look at it the next morning morning. It was still in the plastic red bag.
Carly – As soon as she started singing I remembered why she is my favorite female Idol. Her costume, her stage-presence, her voice. I danced and The Kid stood next to me confused. *Sigh* Youth.
Brooke White – Earlier at the bus meeting thing I met members and employees of her fan club. They are gentle, peace loving, hippies that handed out yellow glowing bracelets. I saw them on Stage Left (my left) and spent most of Brooke’s set watching them watching her. Weird, I know. I really loved the cover of Feist (and found myself geeking out and snapping along – basically the only one in my section.)
Group Song – U2 In the Name of Love. Yep, I danced along with this very important and somber special message. I can’t NOT dance to U2.
Jason Castro – Insert ear-splitting squeals (none of which were coming from me…well, maybe one Woot! slipped out.) The boy has got to be the most loveable thing. He rivals David Archuleta for the “Fraggle Rock Cuteness Award.” He is sweet, silly, a great singer and well…adorable. I am sure he really appreciates being called adorable at age 21.
Syesha – This was The Kid’s moment! She proudly held up her lime green “We Heart Syesha” poster. Success! At one point during her set Syesha pointed out two posters and one of them was The Kid’s. I may have taken a step away from The Kid when Syesha read the poster out loud.
David Archuleta – And…I am old. The girls behind us were screaming and jumping and squealing that high-pitch scream that only small dogs and long-suffering adults can hear. First things first (before I get to my mocking) he sounded great. Otherwise I was distracted by his coughing (poor thing), the fact he sang doubled-over, and the Aw Shucks factor. Oh, and yes he did giggle.
David Cook – I warned The Kid that I could not be held responsible for my actions during David Cook. I did yell (but not squeal.) I did dance and wave my arms (but did not wave to him.) I did sing along (but did not shout “I LOVE YOU DAVID!”) I did basically forget The Kid existed (but did not shove her aside to get closer.) Overall, I was successful in not embarrassing myself or those around me.

After-concert pain in the…
The Kid really wanted to get Syesha’s autograph (and who was I to stomp on a little girl’s dream) so we went outside and lined up for another round of autographs. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the sugar, maybe it was the cranky adults but it was freaking INSANE. The Kid was shoved up front against a barrier and I would ever-so-often lean over to make sure she was still alive. (Yep, stellar babysitting skills.) After waiting for an hour and a half we only saw Kristy Lee Cook, Brooke White, Jason Castro and yes…David Archuleta.

Um, he was RIGHT there
Archuleta talking to The Kid.

Jason Castro

Monday, September 8, 2008

I bet you’re in a bar/Listening to a country song/Glass of Johnny Walker Red

Whoa, over a week of no-blogging? Totally unforgivable.

Here the newest list of excuses:
* Premier of new 90210 took half of my brain-cells.
* The RNC took over my city and my brain
* I barely survived an American Idol concert (fondly called 12 Hours of Idol)
* I am just bummed out about the Twins. Disheartened, if you will.
* It’s not just me, all the blogosphere seems disenchanted. (I am loving the “dis-“ words today.)

First home-stand in a gajillion years (vs. Detroit)
Friday, 9/5 – W 10-2 (grand slam!)
Saturday, 9/6 – L 4-6 (and a sucky loss at that)
Sunday, 9/7 – L 5-7 (bitter)

Random photo

Non-baseball but still sports related
Are you ready for some football?What football means to me: Tailgating. Yep, that’s it. I go for pre-game festivities and then I get on the train to head home for a nap once the game has started. Tailgating, that is nature at it’s finest. You take one paved parking lot, hundreds of grills, coolers, radios, footballs and drunk fans. On top of that throw in a little smack talk, comfy fleece sweaters, beer, coffee with Bailey’s/Kailua/whiskey and all is right in the world. Man, I love football.

Today starts the Minnesota Vikings 2008 season. Tonight the Vikings play at the Green Bay Packers. Of course, working for a Giant Corporation they have thrown us a bone and declared today Hawaiian Shirt Day Football Jersey Day. The Land O’Cubicles is peppered with Purple & Gold and Green & Gold. There is a huge rivalry on the floor between the Vikes and the Packs. I am hoping for a reenactment of the opening number from West Side Story (a la Sharks & Jets.) Keep your fingers crossed for snapping, twirling and jazz hands.

Non-baseball but no less important
Overheard whilst watching the MTV Music Video Awards with Lucy (age 3)
In regards to watching the Jonas Brothers perform on VMAs
Lucy: He’s just like me!
Jen (shocked): What? How is he like you?
Lucy: He has eyes
Jen: Oh, okay.Lucy: He has curly hair like me.

RIP Rossi’s, RIP
There is a tragedy at the bar. My home-away-from-home for my Monday Night Happy Hour, Rossi’s, is closing its doors.
I will miss:
* Walking down the steps and hearing my name yelled out a la “Norm” from Cheers.
* 2-3-1 (two for one) Riesling wines
* Cheap, tasty food
* Cute piano guy
* TVs that show baseball

The next blog entry will definitely not be baseball related. I wrote what I think is a hilarious recap of my adventures at the American Idol concert. I am going to post it for your amusement, enjoyment and mocking-fodder. So…you have been warned.

Funny Photos
Lucy in her best Paris Hilton "no-photos-please" impersonation.
Lucy and I showing off our ink (er, glitter)

Bathroom wallart is funny.

RNC Drinking Game
With the Republican National Convention being in town last week (and fucking up my commute) I thought it would be fun to create a little drinking game during the speeches.
Do a shot every time they refer to McCain as a “Maverick.” – There is only one Maverick in my world and he hangs with Goose and Iceman. (And there is my Top Gun reference for the day.)

Music of the Day
A while back I posted a video from Thriving Ivory after catching them on VH1. Since then I have listened to their album and really enjoy it (shameless plug.) So, when perusing Youtube to find a video for today I found this one:

Last Call by Lee Ann Womack (featuring Thriving Ivory)