Tuesday, January 27, 2009

They’re all in my backyard, them old cars/I love everyone that I get/Mixing gasoline with NASCAR dreams

Welcome Wagon
New(ish) blog - Twin Cities Beer & Baseball

Twins Fest or Bust
Those Girls, Twins Sisters & K-Bro wrote nice blogs about being at Twins Fest. Alas, I have not much to wax poetic about. I mean, y’all have met me before…I swear and mock.

Friday evening I braved the frigid temps and met up with Those Girls at the Metrodome. I tried to keep forcing myself to be heartfelt and reminiscent about being at the Twins Fest in The Dome. Here are my thoughts on Twins Fest:

* Those Girls are actually funnier in person than in their blog (I know, it’s hard to believe!)
* I “bought” my first baseball card. I put “bough” in quotation marks because I paid $1 to play a dice game and won a Torii Hunter card. Pretty sweet.
* Bobby Korecky Drinking Game! I just made one up!

* I bought Obama trading cards which Lucy promptly took ownership of.
* We listened to Casilla do an interview in the Diversity Section (which inspired some mocking.) I totally “That’s What She Said-ed” him during the interview (under my breath.)
* We had the World’s Worst Mini Donuts. They really broke my heart.

Non-Baseball but no less important

This is me Fangirling
Eh, I probably won’t be seeing David Cook on his tour but I will be seeing this guy!

I bought tickets to see Joel McHale in Minneapolis! I fangirl Joel McHale and The Soup pretty hardcore.

So, a funny thing happened while I was at the bar (story of my life) – Celebrity Story Ahead!
I am just going to say it out loud… I drank A LOT last night at happy hour. I have a new theory that happy hour(s) shouldn’t last longer than an average work day. I am just saying…

Anyways, during my drunkenness last night one of my peeps received a text message saying that Harrison Ford was drinking in the hotel bar across the street. Of course, I got really excited and wanted to go see Hans Solo but we were drinking and eating and couldn’t be bothered to actually leave our barstools. Conversation flowed about Hans and Calista Flockhart (who we imagined to be the size of our wine goblet stems.) The next text that came from our Hans Solo sighter said that Harrison was in town with his band. Cue shocked expressions.

Hans Solo was in a band? Since when? Why hadn’t I heard that before? I love actors who think they can sing (there’s actually too many to name here.)

I spent the rest of the night obsessing about Hans Solo being so close to me and yet so far. I went to bed (passed out, whatever) last night with thoughts of a singing Hans Solo flying through my head. I imagined his band playing thrasher metal music.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I hungoverly flipped through the entertainment section to see an announcement of Kevin Costner being in town for a tour stop with his band. KEVIN COSTNER! For a brief moment I envisioned seeing Hans Solo at one bar and then hurrying to another to see Robin Hood play. THEN IT HIT ME! During all the drunken text messages wires were crossed. Actually, wires weren’t crossed…some drunken dude couldn’t tell his epic older gentlemen apart and was calling Kevin Costner Harrison Ford. WTF Drunk Dude, WFT? So, I am sad to report that there isn’t a Hans Solo concert tonight; you will have to settle for a Kevin Costner gig.

Kevin Costner & Modern West
This line from the article made me laugh my ass off (lmao, if you will):
Come to see Costner channel his inner John Cougar Mellencamp; stay for the cougars prowling the stage looking to bite off a hunk of Robin Hood.

Seriously, I can’t make this shit up!

In conclusion: My church has a neon sign, the pews are clustered together around a scarred counter top, and the pastor “is quick with a joke or to light up your smoke”.

Also in conclusion: It is never fun to skip, frolic, and twirl into your house late at night after many hours of drinking and find your dear sweet auntie sitting there watching and silently judging you. Oh, also not as funny to wake up so horribly hung-over the next day and the first human interaction you have is Stacy singing Poison’s “Every Rose Has a Thorn”.

Music of the Day – OMG Can you Believe Kevin Costner sings Edition
Kevin Costner & Modern West – Backyard

Friday, January 23, 2009

It is the distant future/The year 2000/We are robots/The world is very different

Twins Fest Weekend!
Be there or be…square? Nah, let’s be honest: the only reason I am going is to people watch and find the 2009 Minnesota Twins Baseball Spirit.

Twins could boast 18 Classic players: Club leads Majors with most players on provisional rosters
(aka: boring headline)

Kubel, Twins reach deal in principal: two-year contract with option for third yet to be confirmed

Who’s on Third? (And no that’s not a lame attempt to start that comedy bit)
No, really? Who is going to be our Third base player?
Third base remains Minnesota mystery

What the other blogs are saying

If you haven’t done so yet, go check out Out of Write-Field and sign your baseball blog up (if you have one)

Oh, It’s Those Girls have a nice breakdown of what is happening this weekend at Twinsfest. They’ll help you decide which day you should check it out.

Nick & Nick’s blog is “Charting the Rounds” and breaking down our competition.

K-Bro’s blog is making me giggle with examples of bad grammar in the world of baseball

Kevin Slowey is blogging about his time on the Twins Caravan

Non-baseball but no less important

New Concerts Announced (of a non-David Cook variety)
Morrissey, Madeleine Peyroux, Neko Case, Gordon Lightfoot and Boyz II Men

Don’t fuck around with cupcakes
I would be really disappointed if someone sent me a cupcake-in-bloom flower arrangement. They really do look like cupcakes but in fact are only just flowers. It would be like serving a bottle of Jack Daniels full of iced-tea: disappointing and unfulfilling and wrong. See what I mean?

I love cupcakes.

Things that make me ever-so-happy
I am sure you have all seen the site with these posters but here are three of my favorite:

ShamWow! I loves me the ShamWow guy!!! The giant headset, Ritalin-needing energy, and general quirkiness.

And I ran…ran so far away…Flock of Seagulls have given us so much!

You got Rick-Rolled bitch!

Music of the Day
Flight of the Conchords – The Robot Song

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A break in our regularly scheduled baseball blogging

Last night I went to the AC/DC concert at the Xcel Center in St. Paul. Thanks to It’s Pat! for getting us sweet tickets – row 5 (which was actually the 4th row) two people in from the catwalk. Now, I am an AC/DC fan as much as the next person but seeing them live for the first time ever really struck me as what rock really is all about. A stadium full of people playing air-guitar, singing along, flashing the rock salute and general drunken camaraderie. There was high-fiving of Brian Johnson and sweat spraying from Angus Young. All in all…a classic rock concert.

Monday, January 19, 2009

She was a fast machine/She kept her motor clean/She was the fastest damn woman that I ever seen

Head’s Up
Twins announce ticket changes for ’09 – single game tickets on sale March 7
This means that there will be no long lines at Twins Fest for purchasing tickets.

Kubel, Guerrier file for arbitration

Twins focus on relievers Brandon Lyon, Eric Gagne: Club pursuing relievers for setup role behind closer Nathan

Twist Fest
The schedule is up! Okay, who’s going when?

Non-baseball but no less important

For those about to rock, we salute you
Well, I am about to rock in approximately…7 hours. Tonight I will be heading to see AC/DC with an old co-worker (old as in former, not old as in a billion years old.) Not only am I going to be in the presence of Class Rock Royalty I will be in the 5th row. Yup, I finally scored sweet seats to a rock concert. I had been bitching and moaning to anyone who would listen that the closest I have been in a stadium concert was the American Idol concert. Now, don’t get me wrong...I loved the American Idol concert *cough*DavidCook*cough* but in order to have street-cred I needed a true Rock and Roll experience with floor seats. Tonight, I will be vindicated.

Speaking of David Cook
I don’t know what this says about me but I had a dream (nee, Nightmare) about a conflict of interest. I dreamt that David Cook had a concert in Minneapolis on the same night as the Minnesota Twins Home Opener. I am guessing that 99.9% of my blog readers are going: "What’s the problem? Obviously you would be going to the baseball game. I mean you have a freaking baseball blog.” Whilst, the other 5% scoff at the thought of choosing baseball over David Cook. What would I do?

Although…I do have a grand plan (or an evil plan) in motion to trick all my friends into going to the David Cook concert with me. I would say “Hey, do you want to go see Billy Idol?” They would all go “Yes, for sure. We loves us some Rebel Yell.” Then I would chuckle inside my head. When they realize that they are at a David Cook concert I would go “Booyah! I punked you Son! Ya’ll can suck it with your David Cook hatin’!” Yeah I think I carried it too far, even in my head. By the way, my friends are probably a lot smarter than I give them credit for so they would double check all facts before agreeing to go. Commie bastards.

Randomly Random
Look at the ice formation which was found in a window of the house?

Tee hee hee, I am giggling like a 12-year old boy right now

Music of the Day – Concert experience Edition
AC/DC – You shook me all night

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

If you think it’s easy doin’ one night stands/Try playin’ in a rock roll band/It’s a long way to the top

Bylevin denied Hall of Fame induction, again

Hall of Fame: Rickey Henderson & Jim Hall inducted, Blyleven denied

Non-baseball but no less important

In a few days…
I will be at the Xcel Center listening to pure rock and roll. AC/DC will be in Minneapolis (well, actually St. Paul but let’s just overlook that fact) and I will be in the fifth row. I am going with a former co-worker who I don’t think is prepared for the fangirling that will entail.

Little Honey
I am slowly making my way through Lucinda William’s album “Little Honey.” I think she may be one of the most underappreciated guitar players. I have listened through the album a few times and the songs that really stick out are “Real Love”, “Honey Bee”, and her cover of AC/DC’s “It’s a Long Way to the Top.”

Purple rain, purple rain
Prince has a new website launched: http://www.lotusflow3r.com. Star Tribune is reporting that is the name of one of his three new albums. (One of those albums is rumored to be called MPLSound, recorded at his Paisley Park Studio here in Minnesota.) This site has three tracks up including a cover of “Crimson and Clover. Check it out.

This is American Idol
Let’s just get this disclaimer out of the way right now:
Hello, my name is Jen and I will be watching American Idol this season. I understand that in the past I never watched or blogged about it so this may be a little disturbing. Be prepared for snark/swearing/drinking/half-assed recaps.

·The whole household was sucked into American Idol last night.
·I gotta say I like Kara (the new judge). I was prepared to not like her but...she's funny, sassy and fights back. You go girl! *Snap!*
·I thought and said some very bad things about the blind guy. I already know I am going to hell so I feel like I don’t have to check my tact at the door.
·I don’t think Lucy understands that there are bad singers out there. I feel like American Idol will help her with that.
·I like Simon when he rolls his eyes.
·Paula’s sunglasses/reading glasses towards the end of the show made my heart hurt.
·It looked a lot warmer in AZ then in Minnesota.
·That “geek” towards the end was fun to watch. His voice was good, not jazz hands fantastic, but good. I like that he intelligently argued back with Simon. I bet we’ll never see him again.

Okay, that’s all I got. Now I must go face my co-workers who opted to watch the new 90210 instead of Idol.

My friends love me and sometimes they listen when I fangirl
Exhibit A:
I received a text message from Ames last night. Now, Ames has to listen to me go “Oh, I love David Cook, he’s awesome.” “Listen to this song.” “Okay, now listen to this song. Wow! Huh?” “I changed your ringtone to Bar-ba-sol now. I like it better than your old Led Zep one.” “Sorry, I didn’t pick up the phone right away because I love your ringtone.” Yeah, poor Ames!

So, she sent me this text last night:
E News just reported that David Cook just broke up with that other idol chick. I am sure you knew but I thought I’d let you know just in case.

Exhibit B:
Another friend (a misinformed one) sent me a text saying:
Dude, that the American Idol guy u love has a song on the new 90210.

After a moment I got another one:
Never mind, it was that little guy that got silver on the show. His song makes me want to be a better person.

I replied:
You mean that facetiously right? You mean his song makes you want to go pick up guys and hold hands.

Their reply made me blush.

Music of the Day – Cover Song Edition

Lucinda Williams – It’s a Long Way to the Top

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

It’s time for you to prove/Within your ruby shoes/You deserve to smile with no regret/Look at you

Trading Block
Giambi reaches deal to reunite with A’s
Teixeira to the Yankees (and I grumble a little)

Guess who was listed as one of the Top 10 Female Baseball Bloggers on Blogs.com?
Give up?

ME! Now, imagine me twirling around with jazz hands. That’s how excited I am.

Thanks to guest blogger on Blogs.com, Metsgrrl for listing me!

Top 10 Favorite Female Baseball Bloggers
Babes Love Baseball
Center Field
Church of Baseball
Her Rays!
Lipgloss & Baseball – MEEEE!
Marinerds, ect
Oh, it’s THOSE Girls Baseball Blog
Roar of the Tigers
We’ve Got Heart

I even get a badge! (It’s official, I am a dork)


January 23 – 25
I may be hitting this up this year – if for no other reason than to cause shenanigans with one of Those Girls.
Are you going? Maybe we need a meet-up or something… let’s brainstorm.

Music of the Day – as seen on TV
Since I slept almost all day long yesterday I wasn’t in any shape to be going to bed at a decent hour. I caught Erin McCarley on Letterman last night. A few different people have pointed her out to me but I think seeing her live (well, live-ish) sealed the deal.

Erin McCarley - Pony

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

And I thought Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus/thirty two’s still a goddamn number/thirty two still counts

Carl Pohlad 1915 - 2009
Now, we may not all have agreed with the way he ran our team but he was still the man behind the Minnesota Twins. Besides owning the Twins he did a lot of great things for the community. This news really hit my radar when I was at happy hour. Unfortunately no one in the Monday Night Happy Hour Crew follows baseball so I had to “phone a friend” (or in this case, text a friend.) Katie from Oh, It’s THOSE Girls and I exchanged a series of texts about this. (This included discussing the tribute video music for the Home-Opener. I suggested LL Cool J but after perusing through his track list I wasn’t able to find anything appropriate.)

Also, how the heck did I miss the hype around Twinsfest. I think I will stop by again this year. I just really enjoy the people watching. Anyone else out there going? Maybe a meet up? Pre-fest beer, during-fest beer, post-fest beer?

Non-baseball but no less important

Fly like an eagle
Foshay Tower basejump on YouTube: It’s Raining Fools

So, I actually heard about this yesterday when a friend was telling me that she saw it and met the actual basejumper himself (before he was arrested.) How did I miss this? I mean, it was early enough in the day that I wasn’t drinking yet.

News video

**The W Hotel in the Foshay gets a big middle finger from us (the Monday Night Happy Hour Crew) for their lack of happy hour specials and the abundance of snotty workers.

She runs all over me
Here’s proof that I will basically let Lucy do whatever she wants. She wanted to give me another tattoo. Although I think it is sweet she wrote “MOM” I don’t think I want that for my next tattoo. (Thanks for the pics, Mel.)

Random commercial of the Day
Slap Chop with Vince (from the Sham Wow craze)
Ames sent me this video yesterday with strict instructions to pay particular attention to 0:55 when Vince claims “we’ll love his nuts.”
You know you wanna see it! Click here.

Music of the Day
Regina Spektor – Oedipus

Friday, January 2, 2009

I feel sick, I feel nervous/I know just what I did to deserve this/Though I know it’s not a dream

Welcome to the 2009 season of baseball
Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot happening right now but just you wait…just you wait.

Circle Me Bert waiting for the Hall to Call

At least someone is blogging: Kevin Slowey’s MLB Blog is back in action

New Baseball Resolutions
* New Lipgloss for a new season – this year’s color will be Liptini’s Vodka– how apropos don’t you think? (Courtesy of Elle)
* Mock unto others as others would mock unto you
* New Twins t-shirt
* I may cry during the Metrodome Video Montages. (The Metrodome is the only stadium I remember.)
* I will see at least one out of state game
* I will create tags for my entries so that I don’t keep bitching about it. It’s my own damn fault!

Non-baseball but no less important

2009, you are already a sassy bitch!
I celebrated New Year’s four times on December 31.
First time I shouted out Happy New Year was at 10:00 a.m. and I was in my cubicle. I was texting with Val from the Philippines and it was midnight her time. So, V, you were my first New Year’s celebration.
Second time was 9:00 p.m. when I celebrated with Lucy. I mean, shit, she’s 3 years old. You think the girl could make it until midnight. Whatever, quitters never win! :P
Third time was at 11:00 p.m. when Anderson Cooper wished me a happy new year from a stage “high above the streets” of NYC. Mmm…I’ll take an Andy Cooper New Year shout-out any day. Yes, the Silver Fox makes my heart go pitter-patter.
Finally, I waited until it was my own damn timezone and Stacy and I half-heartedly whooped HAPPY NEW YEAR! (We didn’t want to wake Lucy and well, let’s be honest…after the third time it lost a little of the glamour.)

Here are my thoughts whilst flipping between all the channels counting down:
* Ryan Seacrest is still dreamy even in a puffy jacket
* Every time Kelly Pickler spoke my left eye twitched
* Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin are probably the coolest people to hang out with on New Year’s
* Scott Weiland owns my soul. I may have even yelled to him (“him” being a pre-recorded concert on my tv) “See you in a month!” (‘cause, I will be.)
* David fucking Cook ended my New Year’s right. I enjoy how all my co-workers send me messages on Facebook saying “Ooooh, your Idol is on my tv.” Yeah, I got it. You don’t think I am prepared for this? Didn’t * you get my inner-office memo?
* The David Puddy hockey episode was on Seinfeld last night. Suhweet.

I Twittered my evening of TV mockery in case you are interested
(which I don’t blame you if you aren’t.) Here are some of the highlights:
* 9:45 p.m. Uh oh. I know way more Lionel Richie songs that I care to admit.
* 10:08 p.m. Anderson Cooper just asked Kathy Griffin if she can stop saying “pap smears”. Life is good!
* 10:23 p.m. The correspondent from New Orleans (on CNN – Andy Cooper) is going to get his ass kicked by the guys behind him. Not funny, kinda funny.
* 10:32 Ah, the drunk texts are coming in! I like being the homebase. Please remember that what you text me is for public consumption. Mmmwhwhahaha
* 10:47 p.m. Lady Gaga’s Ta-Ta’s are going to fall out of her dress whilst she is singing on Andy Cooper’s CNN show.
Vegan Joe has thrown the first punch
If any of you are friends with me on Facebook you may have noticed I was recently tagged in a photo by Vegan Joe. THIS PHOTO!

Please realize I was tagged as the person/evil warlock person circled in red. Vegan Joe of course is the hero in yellow. I responded to his tag with:
OMG! I can’t believe you tagged me as the guy dying! You KNOW how I feel about natural bodies of water!

So Joe, it is GAME ON!

Randomly Random
Come on! How can my first blog of the New Year not include a picture of David Cook? To those who are rolling your eyes (and I can name 10 of you right now) SHUT IT! I got a funny story about this. So, the guy in the background (about half of you were like “What guy? All I see if freaking David Cook”) is a Target Center Security Staff Employee. I can’t remember his name. He told me and I did an “Oh, yeah, that’s great, what’s that shiny thing over there?” sort of half-ass pay attention move. Anyways, he spent most of the time on his cell phone arguing with his Baby’s Mama about how they both cheated so that should cancel out everything. In fact, at one point he said “You cheated with my friend and that is worse than me cheating with a random girl.” You know, that argument probably wouldn’t hold up in court.

So, here is Cheaty McCheatertons and David Cook in Minneapolis (not my photo but still a good photo.)

Music of the Day
Who’s it going to be? Huh? Can you feel it? Can you guess?
Drumroll, please…

David Cook – Bar-Ba-Sol
I KNOW! I am sorry! For christs sake get off my freaking back already! I can’t NOT post this song! This song is the one that all you non-David Cook fans like (*cough*Eric*cough*)