Monday, June 30, 2008

Well it ain’t about the money/Its all about your lies/Its all about the fact you’re leaving me high & dry

What a weekend for baseball
I, along with the rest of the state, is sad that we couldn’t keep our streak alive. Hells bells, I will take the 10-game streak…it gave us good publicity.

Friday Fight Club
I was at the game on Friday but only part-time. You see, I was in the midst of a bar crawl so I had to divide my time amongst the drunken crawlers and the drunken ball-ers (see me rhyme.) After spending two hours enjoying the 3-4-1’s at the first bar I headed to the Dome with Amy and her out-of-town co-worker, Melty. This would be his very first game in the Metrodome so we wanted to show off for him. Alas, I never knew that some of the Brewers fans could be so brutal/obnoxious/rude. I mean, even the Yankee fans aren’t that bad. (What. Did. I. Just. Type?)

Here are some photos:

Amy and Melty
Marney! See, I think we are destined to be BFFs!

A few tidbits
* Slowey has a shut-out on Sunday!
* Poor Those Girls, according the text messages I received they had a crap game on Saturday. I was also heavily under the influence of Vodka Tonics so I may have sent some strange messages back…I apologize.

Non-baseball but no less important

This was one Mother F-ing crazy weekend so I give you…BULLET POINTS!

* 3-4-1’s (three drinks for the price of one) of Vodka Tonics
* Run to the Metrodome to watch a little baseball
* Run back to the Gay 90’s club for the drag show and dancing
* Hanging with RuPaul (He was judging the drag show and then came dancing with us)
* Dance to “Come on Eileen”
* Stumble home to sleep.

* Work at the Land O’Cubicles booth at the Pride Festival.
* Hand out balloons and sing along to dance music in the park
* Head to Joe’s Garage for drinks and eats
* Home again, home again…jiggity jig.

* Ryan’s pool party
* Lay by pool listening to Top 40 music (no more Danity Kane, please!)

* Working in a cubicle sucks.

The gaps can best be filled in by photos. Alas, no photos of RuPaul because cameras weren’t allowed in the clubs.

I got a safe sex kit from a drag queen

Ah, pool lounging

Music of the Day
I love that people pass along new music for me to check out! I got the recommendation below from a baseball blogger. (Thanks James!) These guys rock! I am definitely checking out more of their tunes!

The Zutons – Always Right Behind You

Friday, June 27, 2008

I was waiting/For the day you’d come around/I was chasing/And nothing was all I found

9 Straightup tell me/do you really want to love me forever
I didn’t see the game yesterday since I don’t control the televisions in the Land O’Cubicles and the guys who do decided Women Golfers were more exciting. Yeah…right.

The Twins have gained six games on the AL Central-leading
Chicago White Sox during this round of interleague play. The Twins have outscored their opponents 56-19 during the nine-game winning streak, and their starters are 8-0 with a 2.17 ERA. It's their longest winning streak since taking 11 straight from June 22-July 3, 2006.

Waiting for tonight, oh/When you would be here in my arms
I will be…
In attendance of tonight’s game (in between a bar crawl) along with Amy and out-of-state visitor.
Singing “Blackburn singing in the dead of night/take these broken wings and learn to fly”
Pissing Amy off with my singing
Pleasantly tipsy
Hoping to post a blog that says 10 Straight.

Non baseball but no less important

Last songs played on my iPod (no laughing/judging/mocking)
I Kissed a Girl – Katy Perry
Pretty Young Thing – Michael Jackson
Thriller – Michael Jackson
Purple Rain – Prince
Feels Like Tonight – Daughtry
Mr. Tambourine Man – Jason Castro
Mistress Mabel – Fratellis
Violet Hill – Coldplay

Everybody’s working for the weekend
This weekend is going to be so busy (story of my life) but also very fun. Shall we take a look?
Friday – I will be pushing down my cubicle walls promptly at 4:00 p.m. so I can join some friends for a round of 3-4-1’s (that would be three drinks for the price of one.) Then I have to head to the Dome for to watch the Minnesota Twins clobber (cross fingers) the Brewers. After that I have to hall-ass to the Gay 90’s to join up with the Already In Progress Bar Crawl. There will be drag queens and dancing.
Saturday – Stop by and see me in Loring Park. I am volunteering through my office (Land O’Cubicles) to work at their booth in the Minnesota Pride Festival. I will be the pasty white, redhead, hungover chick handing out balloons. After that we are heading for drinks/celebration.
Sunday – The Monday Night Happy Hour Crew will be attempting to dry-out (from the alcohol) by Ryan’s pool. However, knowing how we are there will probably be Mimosas and Bloody Mary’s.

So, if you don’t hear from me Monday morning you know I over-did it.

You don’t have to point it out; I already know I have a problem
Local gossip columnist CJ is feeding my love of David Cook. Her article earlier this week touches on a local newscasters run in with David Cook.
Taking a walk in an Idol’s five o’clock shadow

Music of the Day
Crow Pie Edition. I am officially eating crow today by posting a music video from Daughtry. Now, before anyone starts shouting at me I want to clarify with a little story. Flash back to last summer. I am riding in a tiny rental card with Foley, cruising the roads between Tennessee, Mississippi and Alabama. Every single radio station we scan through is playing Daughtry – all day long. I reached a breaking point. (Don’t even get me started on when Foley would sing Daughtry songs the rest of the time.) I declared the rest of the trip (and my life) Daughtry-Free. Alas, I don’t always know what’s best. Last night I heard “Feels Like Tonight” on the radio and I had to call Foley and apologize. There, the planets can align again.

Daughtry – Feels Like Tonight
Music video link

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Billie Jean is not my lover/She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one/but the kid is not my son

Well, look-ee what we have here
The bottom of our line-up delivered big last night…two single home-runs big. Harris - out of the park. Buscher - out of the park. And then we won. Of course, I didn’t see it real time because my iPod docking station alarm clock (set to Daft Punk’s Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger) is set to go off at 5:30 a.m. So, alas I gave in to the adult-side of my brain and went to bed in the 6th inning.

Observations on a ballpark
So, Petco Field looks amazing. I was obsessed with their grass and layout. I also noticed that the place was maybe half full.

What’s happening:
* Rincon signs with Indians
* Baby Jesus may get a shot at the (All) Stars

Non-baseball but no less important – Life’s Lessons to be learned edition

All you can eat sushi is no a challenge
On Monday my Monday Night Happy Hour Crew headed to Seven Sushi in downtown Minneapolis. Evidently this new place is THE place to be at on weekend. Minneapolis now has a new exclusive, velvet-rope place for the pretties to be seen. Alas, I am more of the dive, corner bar with a hipster punk band playing so you won’t be seeing me at Seven (unless I am there for all-you-can-eat-Sushi.) So, Monday night we bellied up to the bar and partook in All-You-Can-Eat Sushi night. I got to tell you, I can really pack away the raw fish. The Yellowtail Hamachi was like butter, the Crunchy Roll was made of win and the wine makes everything okay. The lesson to be learned here is…all-you-can-eat-sushi night isn’t a challenge.

Embarrassing a blog reader

Well, I would like to think that I could embarrass E.V. but he’s pretty unflappable. I bullied him in to letting me post this picture of him taken last weekend. It appears that he passed out in the golf car. I wonder how many holes he missed. (Hey, if that isn’t a “that’s what she said” moment, I don’t know what is.) Lesson to be learned…Don’t pass out in the golf car. Your well-meaning friends will take advantage of the situation. I would know best, I am an advantage-taker. How the hell do you think I get some of the crazy photos I have? Examples can be found in the video montage I made below.

Music of the Day
What happens in Duluth Stays in Duluth, unless I set it to music a la Video Montage! Here are the photos from our trip. You’ll notice the music is David Cook’s version of Billie Jean. Yes, obsessed, I get it. The reason for this particular song is because we all had a good chuckle when the strippers danced to it. It became sort of our anthem for the weekend (along with “That’s what she said.”)

Monday, June 23, 2008

I kissed a girl just to try it/I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it/It felt so wrong/It felt so right

Curse? What f-ing curse?
Last season there was talk amongst my Land O’Cubicles that I, your loyal/witty/egotistical blogger, was cursed. The games I went to were lost. The players I talked about ended up on the DL (Disabled List for non-baseball people). The beer I bought tasted flat. Life was rough. However, the streak was broken and all was happy-go-lucky in the baseball land. So…moving on.
It appears about two weeks ago this inane chatter started again. Was Jen cursed? What has she done differently to put the Twins on a poor streak? Well, let me just tell you all (and you do know who you are) that it wasn’t me.
Here are some good things:
Two sweeps.
Twins are heading to San Diego (my birthplace, by the way.)
Catching up to White Sox.
Going to the game on Friday with an Oakland A’s fan (Amy’s co-worker.)

Here are my notes and observations from Saturday’s game:
* After realizing that the dumbass throwing peanuts was actually a co-worker trying to get my attention I stopped grumbling. Dude, an old-fashioned “Hey Jen!” would have worked just as well for getting me to look.
* I saw someone who looked familiar walking by our seats and I almost shouted out hi but then realized it was blogger/sports guy Aaron Gleeman and yes I may read his blog but I don’t know him in the way which involves me going “HI!”
* Blackburn did a great job pitching. I know, we all know that because of the scoreboard numbers but it was great watching him and singing “Blackburn singing in the dead of night/Take these broken wings and learn to fly” live at the Metrodome. Amy threatened that if I didn’t shut the hell up she would move to another seat. By the way, totally an empty threat.
* I kept a complete and accurate scorecard. Yes, I am proud of myself as I have been self-teaching myself to score games.
* Amy and I had a very detailed conversation about weird contraptions that are being peddled right now. Examples: Pedi-egg, powered mascara wand, and a face buffing system. Now those are ridiculous unlike my dream contraption…Pancake Puff Maker!

Newest baseball fan
Jan brought her nephew Alex to his first baseball game!

Non-baseball but no less important

Party of One
I get asked all the time (okay, but like two people) what I do to relax when I actually stop talking/drinking/socializing. I like to sit outside in the sunshine and try to turn my vampire-like pasty white skin to a lovely eggshell white. I drink beer, eat whatever is pre-made in the house and dip my feet in the kiddie pool. I am juggling a few different books but right now my highest priority goes to Candy Girl by Diablo Cody (writer of Juno.) It so fitting in many ways…this book is her story of living in Minneapolis and working as a stripper. Okay, wait! Not fitting in THAT way.

Lessons to be learned, again and again
Ah, it is time once again to make sure to always wear a bra, not have on pajamas during daylight and not look overly unfortunate. You see…it is campaign time. That means the cute hipster college guys are prowling the neighborhood drumming up votes for their candidates. Yeah, I had the first one of the season last week and I was totally caught off guard. Besides the previously mentioned oddities I also had a scrunchie in my hair. Yes, you read that right…a mother fucking scrunchie. Sometimes I use scrunchies; they don’t give my hair the weird hair-band mark.

Music of the Day
So, once again I bow down to the hype and pomp to get sucked into yet another song. Let’s see…I first heard this song last weekend (at a strip club in Duluth) and have been humming the tune ever since. At first I tried to resist the lure and charm but now I am finally surrendering. The song has a catchy beat. Don’t judge lest you be judged (for your Ace of Base CD.)

Kate Perry – I Kissed a Girl

Thursday, June 19, 2008

If you wanted to be free/There’s one thing you need to know/And that’s you can’t count on me

About Last Night
Last night I was in attendance of the game. Amy and I were in our “usual” seats (Section 227, Row 4, Seats 15/16) and saw some of those “old familiar faces.” It was a great game to win but keeping my scorecard was boring up to the 7th Inning.
Here are my notes from the game (short but sweet):

* Twingo, Dollar Dogs and Marney – Oh my! All the stars aligned for a great game tonight!
* We won.
* Amy and I were about this <____> far from Marney Geller (from FSN network)

* I had a Dollar Dog.
* Amy played four cards of Twingo and we didn’t win. (Technically that’s not her fault.)
* I came to the conclusion that Marney and I could totally be friends. I mean, we are both left handed! Besides, I like the sassy way she handles Dick, Bert, Coom-dog and Anthony LaPanta. Me thinks me has a girl-crush!
* Slowey did well although we were confused when Gardy pulled him in the 6th to replace him with the (sometime unstable) The Crain.
* Go-go is still the most exciting thing to watch.
* I successfully bugged Amy by saying LoDuca's name a million times when he was up to bat. Low-duCa, LO-Duca, lo-DUca.

I am slowly getting back into baseball blogging. I have two more games coming up in the next week and I promise to have interesting things to write about. (I also have a busy social calendar so the “non-baseball” section will be hopping.)

Non-baseball but no less important

Wiggle or not to Wiggle, that is the question
It has been a long, long time since I have blogged about the F-ing (insert: fucking) Wiggles. You see, my tiny, itty bitty, sassy, precocious little Lucy (age 3) likes the Wiggles (or at least what she sees of them on that damn DVD she owns.) Whilst reading my weekly email announcement I saw that the F-ing Wiggles will be in my fair city of Minneapolis. Now, Lucy’s mom has already claimed that going to the show would make her mental. Alas, should I bite the bullet, suck up the ‘ttude and take one for the team to get tickets for Lucy? Will she care? Will my therapy bill be high?

Reality (TV) Bites
Stupid television. Since the baseball game ended early on Tuesday night I found myself watching the last half of America’s Got Talent. Whilst getting sucked into this show I came to the realization that I am an “unbeknown to me” reality TV Whore.
American Idol – Check (ah, David Cook)
America’s Got Talent – Check
Make me a Supermodel – Check
Celebrity Family Feud – Check (and it isn’t even on yet but I will be watching)
Celebrity Circus – Check (and yes, I am ashamed.)

Random Photo Time
Insert the theme to Star Wars here

I have no idea what this is about or why I took these pictures but the mini containers of ice cream had me giggling in the aisle of my local discount supermarket.

Music of the Day
Walk with me for a moment down memory lane. Okay, I am 15 years old and I have just bought my first CD which was purchased solely on a new musical taste. You see, besides New Kids on the Block, I never “found” my own music. The majority of my taste (or influence, if you will) has been pre-decided on up until that point. However, I heard Mr. Jones on the radio and loved the sound. I took the bus to my local Best Buy store and purchased “August and Everything After” which promptly had me falling in love with Counting Crows. Most of my musically-inclined friends think the Counting Crows are counted as a “sell-out” band but not me. So, when they released their new album “Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings” I bought it.

Counting Crows – You Can’t Count on Me

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Let’s dance to Joy Division/Celebrate the irony/Everything is going wrong/But we’re so happy

As I type this the Twins just had some action in Cleveland Rocks:
Baby Jesus walked
Morneausey doubled to score Go-Go and Baby J
Cuddy doubled to score Morneausey
Kubel got a homerun
Twins ended a five-run third inning.
That-a-way boys!

About Last Night (hey, I like that title so I am sticking with it, no matter how cliché it sounds)
Under-whelmed. Yep, that was how last night made me feel. Alas, I didn’t see most of the game since I was having a girl moment at the hair salon. (The Uptown salon I go to doesn’t even hesitate before saying “No baseball.”) Let’s see…

* Last night was particularly painful. We had all the ingredients for a big Win cake but someone forgot to turn the oven on.
* Last night was like playing Rock, Paper, Scissors against a drunk guy. You know, you think you will win but then find out that he is a two-time National RPS winner.
* Last night reminded me of that time I decided to splurge on a big, fancy coffee drink only to find out that they don’t allow outside beverages at the training I went to. I had to drink as fast as I could but still had to throw most of it away.
* Last night conjured images of camping out for U2 tickets with a friend only to find out she doesn’t really like U2.

In closing…
Yes, I was disappointed but I can’t be too mad since…
* It isn’t my ass out on the field playing
* I am not a player reading all the bad stats from ESPN/Sports Illustrated
* It’s not me sitting in the dugout/clubhouse frustrated

Bow down in the presence of greatness
Okay, that was a little egotistical but I was just listening to Kanye West’s song “Stronger” and that’s a line from it. That makes it better, right?
This humble (and often trashy) blog is highlighted at Out of Write Field as the Featured Blog.

Non-baseball but no less important

Monday Night Happy Hour and Tuesday Morning Hangovers
Yeah…you would think a girl would get used to that pounding headache and ashtray tasting mouth. Nope. After a year of hanging with my Monday Night Happy Hour Crew I am still thrilled with our topics of conversation and I still hurt Tuesday mornings. Last night we switched up the celebrations and headed to Rudolph’s Barbeque in Uptown. It is located on the corner of Franklin Ave and Lyndale Ave, which blends a few different worlds…trendy Uptown hipsters, sketchy druggies, random homeless people and scared suburbanites. We sat outside and enjoyed the first bit of warm sunshine (I have a pink nose.) We drank beers with lime and margaritas with salt. We ate chips and salsa and people watched. Oh, does squeezing lime juice in beer and margaritas count as a serving of fruit. I say yes but I think the Department of Health will say no. Bastards.

Never co-op shop after a couple drinks
Seriously, let this be a lesson. Just because it is right there and you feel a sudden urge to help the planet and be socially responsible does not mean you should walk through the doors of your neighborhood organic co-op. In fact, run. Run the other way. No matter how appetizing kiwis hand washed by virgins in the Andes Mountain sounds. No matter that you are craving that low calorie organic energy bars

Music of the Day
This song is freaking addicting. If you are ever in South Minneapolis on a nice, sunny day you may notice a little black Jeep Liberty cruising around with this song blaring. I am in high competition with the bass-thumping rap music. Hey, I could be blaring Dolly Parton but that would get my ass kicked. Thanks again to the fine-folk at iTunes for having it be the free download.

The Wombats – Let’s Dance to Joy Division

Monday, June 9, 2008

Oh I will not be ashamed/To walk the crowded streets alone in yesterdays outfit and cologne

So, is it wrong to post a blog today just because I saw a funny commercial and I want to share it with you? Don’t worry…I am sure I can find some “baseball” to write about.

How about them Twins, eh?
Friday @ White Sox: L, 6-10
Saturday @ White Sox: L, 2 -11
Sunday @ White Sox: L, 2-12
Monday @ White Sox: L 5-7

Well, we are coming off our fifth straight loss. Maybe it hurts so much because we were swept (nee SPANKED) by the White Sox. It is like playing Celebrity Password and getting stuck with George W Bush as your partner. (Sorry, I try to keep this blog politics-free but that one slipped through.)

Non-baseball but no less important
Well, to offset the poor baseball happening in our world here are some more funny (at least to me) photos.

Someone didn't know when to hold 'em or when to fold 'em
Whilst walking home from the bus yesterday I spotted the item below in a yard and had to take a picture. If you were driving on Park Ave and saw some redheaded freaking standing taking pictures of what would appear to be nothing…that was me.

Seriously! Who would throw The Gambler out? Maybe a girlfriend/boyfriend duo had a fight and she threw it out of the apartment window because it was a very important item. Yeah, that must be the reason!

Doe a Deer, a vicious, marauding deer
Okay, so that may not be the real lyrics Do-Re-Mi (from Sound of Music) but it should be! I was in the wilds of Wisconsin this morning and saw this creature standing off the side of the road. I braved my fears and stopped, rolled down my window and took a picture, then I high-tailed it out of there. I didn’t want its sharp little hooves come after me.

Crazy Cat Lady
It just happened to work out this way but I have pictures of my cat to share. Hey, they are funny. You better damn-well be laughing at them and not the fact that I am posting cat pictures. *shakes fist*

See? My cat has great taste! She loves David Cook too! (Hee hee hee, my goal is to use the “David Cook” tag on every blog entry.

Music of the Day
So, technically this isn’t a song but it has a song in it and it is hell-a funny. This is the commercial I was talking about at the start of the blog.

AMP Energy Drink Commercial – Walk of No Shame

Friday, June 6, 2008

But I’m a creep/I’m a weirdo/What the hell am I doin’ here?/I don’t belong here

Well, that was awkward
I didn’t get to see the game yesterday (damn work) but I sure read/heard all about it later in the evening. Twice this year we have used or attempted to use a pitcher to bat (in a non-National league) game. Kevin Slowey ran the bases yesterday because we didn’t have any good options available. How do we get ourselves into that position? Oh yeah, the Lucky Number 13 pitchers. I am not the first (and won’t be the last) to say we have a few we can send down. Hells bells, if they want an itemized list I believe there are a few of us bloggers that could contribute. Maybe could run a new poll on their site:

Which Pitcher Should Be Sent Down?
Juan Rincon
Juan Rincon
Juan Rincon
Victoria Beckham


So, we lost. I got it. Let’s move on. Right now our boys are in Chi-town starting against the White Sox. I am both anxious and excited about this series. We always get good old fashioned baseball fun when we rumble with the Jets White Sox. Man, I haven’t been to a game in a long time. The next one on my schedule is Saturday, June 21. That’s still a week and half away.

Hey! I haven't done this in a while
Swear Count: 5 (sorry, for some reason today I was very potty-mouthed

Non-baseball but no less important

Hello coffee my old friend,
Yesterday the necessity for life-blood coffee won out over reviewing a presentation for a meeting. I did what every America-loving, red-blooded, tried and true coffee drinker does…I prioritized. Yesterday I had about 15 minutes before jumping on a conference call and trying to impress the Powers that Be. Instead of looking over my notes I remembered that the household was out of coffee beans and that was more important that being prepared for my job. Duh. Anyways…I ran up to My Starbucks and was pleasantly surprised to see my Coffee Crush was working behind the counter. Damn it, why didn’t I freshen up my lip-gloss? Was my hair okay? Oh, for fuck’s sake…why do I bother?
Yep, those were the shallow/sublime thoughts running through my brain.
So, I bought a package of coffee and appropriately giggled when he scooped the beans in the bag and then signed the package under “Scooped by”. Yep, my Coffee Crush’s name is Joel and I am a dork.

Tattoo (and no not the guy from Fantasy Island)
I think I have finally decided on the tattoo I want. It has been a long (and obsessive-compulsive) road that led to this point. So, here’s the crude drawing of what I want to get. Now, imagine the design in black and white and a red star in the middle of Africa (right over Ethiopia.) So, now we all just have to wait and see when I can get it. (I have to work around my Monday Night Happy Hour Crews schedule.)

Music of the Day
You know how much I love swearing (I hearts me swears) so even if the following song wasn’t a fucking (see?) masterpiece musically, compositionally, lyrically it would reach me on a very low, potty mouth level. So, with that very ineloquent introduction I give you Radiohead’s “Creep” a la cover-versions!

David Cook - Creep
Oh man, you guys are too good to me! You may have noticed that I have a massive small crush on David Cook. Damn you, television! Anyways, one of my blog readers sent me the link below. David f-ing Cook singing “Creep”! Seriously! He sings, he’s smoking hot and he swears! Win-win.

Richard Cheese - Creep
This version makes me chuckle, that evil chuckle that makes people nervous. I envision this song to be used during a movie killing scene. Just think when you are listening and picture an ax-wielding homicidal maniac gleefully hacking something (insert: someone) apart.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Here I am in the graveyard waiting for war/I’m here, I’m calling out your name/I’ve been here before

Hey, what’s the point of welcoming new blog readers (Eric & Jan) when you have to walk over to their desks and point it out to them? Oye.

Let’s get down to business
When I last left you I was bitching and moaning about the Yankees. Now we have two games with the Oh-ri-oh-ri-oles under our belt and fighting to win the series as I type.

About last night (cliché, I know)
I missed the first hour of the game due to cosmetic reasons, Lucy and I went and got our ears pierced. I got a third piercing in each ear whilst Lucy got her very first set of “holes in the head.” She was a trooper and just cried for a bit. It only took a ride on the carousel to make the world pain-free again. Anyways, enough about the girly shit, I got home in time to declare the game as “Classic Twins.” Everyone’s opinion on what is “Classic Twins” differs from one blogger to the next. My definition is: struggle, funny moments, fumbles/errors (from the other team), amazing opportunities played out and a few swear words thrown at the television set.
Yep, last night was classic.

And mooooving on
Baby Jesus hit his homerun. (Was it the power of Paul Bunyan or David Cook…we will never know.) Now only did he hit his first homerun he got his second yesterday plus a “Free Sample with Purchase” sac-fly.
Aw, shucks, "I've never seen that before, but I'll take it," Mauer said with a laugh. "It kind of helps out to have the fastest guy in baseball at second base."
Gomez has once again proved that he is both funny, fast and adorkable (non-baseball term, thankyouvermuch.) Now, let’s go harass someone else. Hmm…I am leaning towards our own Hot Tranny Mess, Rincon.

The big ticket question
Twins patient with struggling Rincon
Maybe I am not objective enough when it comes to baseball. Maybe I hold on to grudges. Maybe I expect more from people. Maybe baby. Whilst I read this article I let out about six “Duhs”, four “What the…” and one “Oh for Christ sake.” I double dog dare you to read this and be “patiently” objective. I guess I just can’t better myself with that.

I forgot to post the pictures I took at the Yankee game I went to with Stevie B. If I hear one comment about the picture of Baby Jesus’ ass I will come hunt you down. My seat was right in front of him, where was I supposed to look? The Kiss Cam?

Holy shit Batman! You guys (the readers) were on fire (en fuego) yesterday! I had seven comments! I “heart” it! So, if you all will bear with me a moment I want to address the comments.

Tricia (Twins Sisters),
Regarding margaritas - they just had the regular margarita over ice (with a salt rim.) It was located in the same little cart as the Corona beer people. I have seen the little Tikki hut near the front of the Dome (lower level, home plate.) Also, thanks for the great KC info on your blog!!!

Oh yeah! Cucumber infused vodka. It was both refreshing and crisp. Like drinking an alcohol soaked cucumber eye mask. I just checked out Blood Red Shoes and I love their sound! They remind me of the Ting Tings (which I think you know about.) You should check out Morning Bender, they opened for the Kooks. I have used their video as today’s MOD.

Awesome!!! I think we will just go to the Friday and Saturday games but I can’t wait! Do you have any words of wisdom or advice to pass along to an “away” newbie?

You can look at his eyes during the Gatorade commercials, only then. Sorry, thems the breaks Kid.

Music of the Day
The Morning Bender’s opened for The Kooks at the Fine Line show last week. They have a very Vampire Weekend-ish sound (which I love.)

Morning Bender – Waiting for War

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Oh sweet Jesus if you’re listening/keep me ever close to you/As I’m stumblin’ tumblin’ wonderin’

OOookay, don’t shoot. I have been on the baseball blogging D.L. for a few days. Parties, booze and my otherwise rock and roll lifestyle have gotten in the way. Yeah, I wish. Anyways, I just wanted to give you more time to chuckle over the funny photos from the previous entry.

Oh, before I get to the good stuff I want to give a shout out to two new blog readers. You see, in my Land O'Cubicles there are those who are totally jealous of my mad blogging skillz (yes, with a "z") and have expressed concern that they are being pummeled in my blog by said mad skillz. So Eric, Jan (maybe even Kim) welcome. Remember, what happens in the blogosphere stays in the blogosphere. (Unless I declare it a free-for-all.)

Okay, on to business. Here’s what I got for you…

The New York Yankees Series
I try my damndest to stay away from the Metrodome during the Yankees because I channel an inner Werewolf of London personality that only comes out when the Yankees are in town (or on television.) It isn’t a pretty yellow-eyed beast I am talking about. It is a snarling, snapping, making highly irrational comments and bringing up the jeer “Steeeeeeroids” one too many times. I even find myself turning on my fellow-basebally friend, Amy.
What? You think Jeter is an attractive male? How COULD you think that? You are a traitor?
Yeah, that’s the kind of irrationality I am talking about. So, in order to soothe my inner-savage beast I stay away. It is for all our own good.
Alas, the fates tempted the leashed dog and I ended up going to the game on Friday. You see, Stevie B (a friend from way back) invited me to the game and bribed me with fancy law firm seats. So, I went and I sat behind Baby Jesus and I grumbled.

I had a few margaritas (why hadn’t I found this stand before!) and a Helmet Sundae (which is based on Baby J’s catcher’s helmet.) That helped a little.
I also sat next to a cute, funny guy in a business suit. That helped a little more.
Stevie B was a little ADD when it came to watching baseball so we gossiped a lot. That helped a bunch more.
The Twins had a great few innings. That made everything okay. AND that is when it went downhill.

Not going to beat a dead horse
* Blackburn got smacked in the face with a pitch
* Boof is now in the Bull Pen.
* Baby Jesus is channeling Paul Bunyan with the scruff but he will never look as ruggedly handsome as my Top 5, David Cook. (Obsessed? Yes.)

Okay, enough trying to keep up with the business side of the stick.

Non-baseball but no less important

Monday night Happy Hour
And just like that I am dead-tired. I blame the cucumber infused vodka, cherry whiskey and white wine.
I also blame…
* My Monday Night Happy Hour crew for being enablers.
* The cute bartender for paying us extra special attention.
* The Cougars sitting at the end of the bar entertaining us
* The guy bragging about this $300 Dolce & Gabbana flip-flops

Presenting….randomocity (yes, a made-up word)

Photographic evidence that I am certifiably nuts
Ye Can’t Get Me Lucky Charms
I found this hat in the hallway and it made me laugh (aided by a few white wines.)
If you think the hat looks bad we can only wonder what the leprechaun who was wearing it must look like.

Crossword Hide & Seek
In order to rid society of their accusations that I am cheating at my book of crossword puzzles I have taken drastic measures. I have ripped out the answer key from the back of the book and hidden them so that I don’t have easy access. Yes, my loyal blog readers, I can do crossword puzzles without cheating. In fact, I am pretty damn good at them. An average puzzle takes me 15 – 20 minutes. (Of course it is a book of super-easy-Helen-Keller-could-do-them puzzles.)

The potholes ate my car
Well, they almost did. My alley way was riddled with giant gaping, cavernous potholes that would rock my Jeep back and forth. I was pretty creative in avoiding them (but yet to have mastered the trick driving on two wheels.) However, the lovely City of Minneapolis finally came and filled them in. I was so excited I took pictures! Voila!

She’s a Lady
Speaking of my Jeep…here are a few photos of my awesome spare-tire-wheel-cover-thing and my bitchin’ air freshener (which has a scent of “freshly swabbed deck.”)

Half-pint is coming to Minneapolis!
Yeah baby! Little House on the Prairie is hitting the stage and will be debuting in Minneapolis. Oh, and the kicker? Melissa Gilbert (television version of Laura Ingalls aka Half-pint) will be playing the role of Ma Ingalls. Sweet!!! I know Perez Hilton scoffed at it but we Minnesotans take our LHOTP (Little House on the Prairie) very seriously. So says the gal that has taken numerous trips to Walnut Grove, Minnesota to enjoy the Banks of Plum Creek and LHOTP Historical Museum. I even have my own bonnet, back off!

My new motto: “Why dirty a glass, drink straight from the bottle.”

Music of the Day – American Idol Edition (yeah, I am still obsessed with this, deal.)
Everyone knows by now that the one and only time I ever voted was to vote for David Cook. He is my abso-fave (absolutely favorite.) However, I do have a weak spot for Jason Castro (as does Stacy, Kris –of the Monday Night HH and Amy.)
Jason Castro – Travelin’ Through